DAYS WE'VE SPENT APART (Anders Fannemel)

PART 9 - CHARLOTTE - GOODBYE MY LOVER

9.

I talk to the coach the next morning and tell him about my thoughts. We come to the agreement that I'm staying for the end of the season but that I can work from home. I pack my things while the guys are at training and Anders watching them. I leave him just a note saying "I'm sorry but this is the best for everyone. Please don't look for me. I love you. Charlotte." and the engagement ring. Mom reserved me and her a flight back to Norway and we leave before the guys return to the hotel.

"It's going to be okay. You are strong enough to get through this, Charlotte," mom says as the plane starts to take off

As we get to Norway I first go to Anders' house to pack all of my things. I pack my clothes and things I brought with me when I moved in but I leave all the pictures. As I say goodbye I just leave an ultrasound picture on his dining table. I move back into my room at my parents' house, dad is a little surprised as he sees me but doesn't say anything. I turn off my phone for the day and concentrate on myself and my baby.

I stay in my room til mom comes and drags me down to eat dinner. I slowly eat the dinner without talking to them and as I want to leave the table, mom catches me by my wrist.

"Sit down, Charlotte. Please, just for a minute," she says and I sit back down and wait for someone to say something.

"Ellen called an hour or so ago. She told me that she was really surprised to see what you did. She told me that she did expect something like this to happen but not so fast. She also told me that Anders' didn't take it as well as you'd think, neither did Robert. He called me and wanted answers but I told him that it was your choice. I just want to make sure that you know what you did and who you lost. Ellen offered herself to help and promised she wouldn't tell him but she wants you to talk to her by yourself," she tells and I try to hold the tears back

"I'm sorry, mother but you're going to have to try a little harder to change my mind," I say and go upstairs

I lock myself in my room and cry. Tears keep coming even if I don't want them to. I try to stop them but can't do it, the only person to stop me from crying was Anders, when he still knew me. Now, every time I've talked to him, I heard that he was trying but he didn't know anything about me. He tried but he tried too hard. I lay down on my bed and cry into the pillow until I fall asleep.

I wake up and find myself in the darkness, I look at the clock on my bedside table and see the time 4.23 am. I try to fall asleep but I can't, I go downstairs and pour myself a glass of water, I drink it and go back upstairs. I lay in bed for a few minutes but then decide to turn on my phone. I see hundreds of unanswered calls and messages, which I decide to ignore because I know it'd only kill me more. Instead, I just delete everything and put my phone on silence.

I go downstairs and put on the jacket and shoes and go outside. I'm cold but I keep walking around the house. I feel how the snowflakes start falling but I don't care, not now. Mom was right, I've lost so much today, too much. I should wait for a little bit, maybe he'd remember if I'd be there with him.

"You're overthinking too much, Charlotte. You made a decision and you shouldn't doubt in it," I hear a voice behind me. I turn around and see mom standing there.

"But was it the right decision or did I make it just because I was afraid?" I ask her and go closer to her

"You were afraid, you still are. Everybody knows that. Even if it doesn't seem like that everyone knows why you did what you did. Life wasn't fair to you but it never is. He didn't remember you, Charlotte. The only thing he knew was that he loves you but maybe he said because he felt guilty of not remembering his fiancee. Who knows? But you need to move on, you need to live your life and raise this child," she says and hugs me. I don't say anything more, we just go inside and she makes us some hot chocolate. We stay downstairs in the living room and watch some movies until we both don't fall asleep.

The next morning I wake up in a warm bed, covered by hundred blankets. I roll my eyes but am grateful to mom and dad. I can see a note on my bedside table and it says "breakfast is downstairs, we went to see the neighbours. They just came back from their holidays.".

"Yeah and I believe in Santa," I say as I read the note. I'm not sure where did they go but I don't really care, I need to spend some time alone.

First, I go and wash my hair then I put on some clothes and take my phone. I go downstairs and see that mom has made me some eggs and hot chocolate. I eat breakfast and then I go to the living room and turn on the television.

I don't really pay attention to what's on the TV, I just scroll through my messages and answer to Robert's. I text him that I'm okay and that he shouldn't worry about me when I hear my name. I look up and see that there's an interview with Anders on the television.

"I'm really grateful to be here right now after I spent last 4 months in a coma I've really started to more appreciate life and people I know. Especially people that are really close to me like my family and friends and of course Charlotte. She really is my one and only," he answers the question I haven't heard. I feel the tears in my eyes and for the first time, I really feel like he knows me, as he remembers me.