My heart is running a hundred mile sprint.
My back is burning like someone lit a fire.
My head is pounding like its trying to escape my skull.
Tears are pouring like a waterfall.
You are standing there watching.
Telling me to toughen up.
You just accidentally raised your voice.
You didn't mean to startle me.
So why am I crying?
Why am I such a pathetic human being?
I couldn't get enough air in my lungs. It was like there wasn't enough space for it.
After I forced myself to stop sobbing, I noticed that I didn't feel real.
I felt like a ghost in my own body. It is an unexplainable feeling. You feel like you are watching yourself from above but you can only see through your own eyes.
I feel dead.
I remember laying on my bed with tears streaming down my face and thinking the world was going to end.
It didn't end.
I spent my night in my bed praying.
Asking God why I was so worthless.God didn't answer.
Maybe Im his defect.
The blemish on his perfect resume.
The thing he never truly wanted.Yes thats what I am.
I am just a wimp or a cry baby.
I am a scaredy cat.
I am so flawed that they have to point it out to me.
I am so messed up because this is how I choose to be, because this is what that modern propaganda has told me to believe.
It has lied to me and told me I wasn't flawed.
It gave me sicking facts about what anxiety is.
It told me and told me that the answer isn't to hurt more.
I believed you and dismissed their lies.
I hurt and I hurt and I hurt and it never got better.
I kept thinking if I hurt some more some day I will get some tougher skin.I never made it to that day.
YOU ARE READING
These poems mean nothing.
PoetryThese are just the poems you found in the attic. You think they were from the old owners daughter. Its in a plastic folder labeled "These poems mean nothing." So you open the folder to find out what 'nothing' really means.