one shots

Attention ~ImmortalFox~ {Sad}

I could feel my heart break as you tell me you can't call me again, even after breaking our earlier plans for today.

This is the second week in a row in which you've stood me up. We haven't talked in a month, goddammit. I could feel myself shrink away from you each time, but at the same time, finding a way to keep trying talk to you. Assuring you that I was okay with you being busy.

Too busy for me.

Too busy for us.

"I'll call you tonight, okay? I promise."

"We can hang out all day tomorrow, I promise, babe."

You haven't been keeping your promises.

I tell you I'm fine, and I guess physically, I am. But emotionally. I'm dying. I'm starving. For you. I want more of you and that's the least I fucking deserve.

I need you, Aleks.

I need your attention, your love, your words, your touch, your voice...

Fuck.

Did I do something wrong?

Am I being too clingy?

Or are you really doing this on purpose...?

Are you you trying to hurt me...?

Because believe me. You've far exceeded that.

I feel like such shit. You put fucking others in front of me, your boyfriend, Aleks! It's either you're fucking recording with James and Kevin, or you're just fucking around with friends. Is it that hard to make even a little time for me?

You don't even have to tell me you love me, just fucking talk to me, show me that you know I still exist and mean something to you.

I don't want to tell you the truth.

About how I feel.

About how much of a shit boyfriend you're being at the moment.

Even now, you won't reply to my texts. You're too fucking busy with Kevin again.

"I'm sorry, babe. I promise to give you a call in a bit."

"I'll be done in a few minutes and than we can hang out, okay? I swear."

Bullshit.

I call fucking bullshit on it all.

Aleks... I don't feel loved at all...

Or cared about...

I know I'm clingy and weak and hopeless and just a terribly dependent person, but I'm not asking for you to give me the world...

Just give me a hug...

Wrap your arms around me and hold me...

Just let me show you that I'm still breathing, that I can still feel when I'm being treated badly...

I love you, Aleks.

More than I've ever loved anyone.

You're my first real lover...

I don't even want there to be someone else, I just want to be with you.

We've talked about our future, about our plans for college and maybe even marriage...

Please pay attention to me...

I don't care how fucking selfish it sounds.

I'm your fucking boyfriend, Aleks.

I should mean more to you...

Any other person would have left...

But for some reason, I can't leave you, I don't want to. I should, but I can't.

I'll still crave your attention, your love...

I don't care if the whole world refuses to talk to me and pay attention to me, but if just you would do that....

I'd fucking die.

And you'd never have to worry about you're clingy ass boyfriend every again...

You could just focus on your friends and work,which seem to be more important than me at the moment...

Ha.

You finally just messaged me back...

"Fuck, babe. I'm sorry, I just looked at my phone. I love you. I'll hang with you after I get done recording with Michael, okay? I swear."

Goddammit, Aleks.

Seriously?

Happy Anniversary to just me, I guess.