Kacchan's Regrets (suicidal deku x kacchan AU)

Hospital Trips

Kacchan's POV

As I made the short walk to the hospital, I choked back tears and kept my head low. I put on a hat before I left so no one would recognize me.
I was about a block away from the hospital before my mind over flowed with horrible thoughts.

'Will he ever forgive me?'
         'Will he even remember what happened?'
    'When will he wake up?'

I pushed the thoughts out of my mind and arrived at the hospital. It was quite small and quaint. I opened the glass doors and saw a receptionist behind the front desk.

"Hello!" She said with a wide smile on her face

"I'm here to visit someone." I said trying to keep my face hidden.

"Ok, and who are you visiting?" She replied

"Izuku Midoriya." I said feeling my eyes sting with tears. I hadn't said his actual name in ages. It didnt feel right calling him 'Izuku'

"He is in room 271 on the second floor." She replied happily.

"Thank you." I said as I quickly made my way to the elevator.
I stepped into the elevator and pressed the  button for the second floor. It felt like eons passed before I made it to Dekus level. I stepped out of the elevator and read the numbers out loud one by one

'268'
'269'
'270'
'271!' I said a little louder than the rest.
I knocked quietly on the door and twisted the handle. The room was dark and cold. The smell of death was in the air. I looked at the small bed in the corner and saw clumps of messy green hair resting gently on the white pillow. White bandages were wrapped around both of his arms and a mask covering his mouth. My eyes filled with tears once again and I swiftly made my way the bed side after closing the door behind me.

"Deku.. I-I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. If I hadn't been such and ass you wouldnt be like this! I'm so sorry!"
I felt like I was yelling into a void. I knew that he couldnt hear me. I clinged onto deku like I was a helpless animal. I felt his cold breath against my face.

I had sat there for a good 5 minutes before I let go. I looked around the room for a chair. A small chair was laying in the corner. I slowly walked over to it and placed it next to the hospital bed.
The daylight was starting to fade and I knew that I would have to head back to the dorms soon. I had been sitting next to deku for 3 hours just thinking about the damage that I had caused. I looked down at my phone
"6:13" I said in a low whisper.
I let out a sigh and started to gather my things. Before I slipping my phone in my pocket I turned and looked at Deku one last time. I turned around and reached for the door knob.

"...kac-chan..."