Trying to hide
The fear inside
From days long gone
But the dreams still tag along
The worst part is what I don't know
Because I can't fully remember
How did it all go
At the time
I was only nineteen
Just a small town girl
Not a part of the party scene
I was usually pretty quiet
Never one to get invited
Always wronged, never righted
But one nightAs I finished my stuff
Someone asked me if wanted to join
Surely, I thought it's just a bluff
I hadn't ever been asked before
I was never cool enough
So why now
Did something change
I didn't think so
But after that night
I was never the same
So I followed that girl
Down the steps towards the lake
I didn't know it yet
But this was a huge mistake
That girl is gone now
Blending somewhere in the crowd
I recognized a few from back in the day
I wouldn't talk them
They have always been kind of fake
I didn't belong there
This was worse than freshman year
My anxiety levels were climbing so high
I never should have agreed to come
I really just wanted to cry
I felt so completely out of place
I knew I probably looked really odd
And then it all changed
With a smile and a nod
I still don't know what I was thinking
I didn't even like to be drinking
Then he said
Come on, just one
It's not going to hurt you to have a little fun
I quietly agreed
And he slid it my way
My next clear memory
Was almost a week away
I don't even know if I finished that cup
Things were all fuzzy
Like I couldn't completely wake up
I don't even know where he took me from there
I only remember the color of those guys' hair
I think that one was kind of nice
The other one, not so much
I remember feeling so gross and dirty
With every unclear touch
I can't really recall a lot
But the dark haired guy Was afraid to get caught
I wasn't sure what that meant then
And I wish that I could forget again
I don't know what he put in that drink
Everything was so blurry
I couldn't even think
I remember sitting in just a white shirt
Still not knowing exactly what they did
All of me physically hurt
I'm not exactly sure how long I was there
The light haired guy put me in a tub and washed my hair
I don't know when they moved me from there
When I woke again
I saw a tall backed chair
I was in someones basement
Not functioning enough to think
And right beside me
Was that guy who gave me that drink
I stood up
I put my clothes back on
Speaking quietly
Please take me home
He replied I'm not ready yet just sit down for awhile
The torture is still here
The replay of his smile
I don't know exactly how much time had gone by
Then I was waking again, and starting to cry
It was making him mad
He said we could go now
The next foggy thing
I'm sitting in my house
I don't even know how
I still have nightmares
The fear still gets to me
I'm still not absolute that I'll ever be free
Because those things that I don't know
The things I cannot see
What the fuck did they really do to me
Would knowing even help at all
Or is it best
That I can't recall
