Bloody Fingers, Broken Mind

L O S T

A soft melodious laugh fills my ears like a gently twinkling bell.

My eyes open and land on your beautiful, breathtaking face.

I smile the biggest smile my muscles can manage to pull together upon just awaking.

"Hey." I say with immediate and immense joy as I sit up to greet you.

You giggle and your small feet patter against the wood floor as you dash out of the room.

"Wait!" I laugh as I get up to chase you, "Isn't it a bit early to play? I've only just woke up." I remind, my smile never faltering as I chase you down the hallway and all the corners you dip around quicker than my eyes can lay on you.

"It's never too early to play! But this isn't a game.." Your gentle voice echoing around me never loses its happy tone, but your words shake towards the end of your sentence, arising a great concern within me.

"Wait! Stop running so I can catch you." My legs begin to grow tired and my feet begin to ache as my chest tightens, lungs expanding widely for oxygen as my heart beats furiously against my chest.

"It's not about catching me, it's about finding me now."

Confusion fills me as I slow to a walk, wandering all possible hallways and checking all rooms.

"Why can't you just come to me? I need you." My heart suddenly feels heavy, not from the exertion, but from the withdrawals and longing for my friend.

"You also need them." Your naturally soft voice grows quieter as it echos around me, now sounding much less joyful and more despaired.

I turn around and see them: a gloomy looking stranger standing there with their hand outstretched to me while their body remains unmoving.

"Who are they?" I question as I stare at the unknown person.

"They're your new friend." Your gentle voice speaks, pain and underlying guilt clearly heard in your voice.

"But.. I don't want a new friend. I want you." I take a step back from the outstretched hand and look back down the hallway for you.

"Don't look back. You're not going there. You must walk forward in life with your new friend, and down the line, you will find me. And I will be waiting for you. In the same place where I will always be."

I frown, and my eyes suddenly sting. I bring my fingers up and rub them along my eyes, staring down at the clear liquid now on my fingertips. I look back up to see the other person with their outstretched hand resting upon my shoulder.

"They're hurting me." My voice cracks as my body suddenly jolts with a sob.

"No.. they are guiding you. To find me, you must travel some time with them. They will always be with you now. You just have to find me again. Then we can all play together." Your voice was stern, yet still it's familiar gentle tone.

Overwhelmed with a suddenly helpless and utterly hopeless feeling, I collapse to my knees as my body continues to violently shake, the invisible tears sliding down my cheeks rapidly. I feel arms wrap around me and suddenly get hopeful it's you, but I see the other person.

I scream out, not in fear, but in pain. Not a physical pain either though.

No.

Much worse.

A pain lying deep within my heart where you are supposed to be. A pain that is wrenching, pulling, and plunging deep into my chest, ripping apart all hope and love that once remained.

"Why would you do this to me?! It's not them hurting me, it's you! You left me!" I scream out in anger and just about every other countless emotion I'm feeling.

"I did not leave you. I simply stepped out of the room. You just have to find me, don't you understand? Even though they are causing you unimaginable pain, they are helping you get to me. Just walk with them and feel. Acknowledge how they make you hurt. Take in every thought they put into your head. Go over every memory of us they will make you watch and use it as inspiration."

"That's impossible." I say, my voice broken without my best friend at my side.

"It is only impossible if you make it that way."

"I can't do this without you."

"You're not doing this without me. I am still here. You just can't see me right now. I am still in the same place I always am. You've just lost sight of that for now."

"Well how do I see you again?"

"You will get through the journey with your friend Sadness. It won't be pretty and it definitely will not be easy. There will be times where you will face utter defeat and feel as if there is no reason to continue. But there will also be times where you realize it's not that bad. It's all about growing through this pain and strengthening your heart. I know I bring you great joy, but I can also bring you just as much pain as them. I will break you by leaving your side, but I will mend your shattered heart by returning after you have finished your journey. I will be your light at the end of the tunnel you are going through. You just have to go the distance first." »—» Happiness.