Wild At Heart (Bieber Love Story)

Chapter 36 - See, I've Made Mistakes Time After Time ..

Justin     

 

It has been nine months since the last time I saw Savannah.  I knew the way I broke up with her was cruel and unfeeling. As I’ve been coming to terms with my depression and delving deep into the underlying issues that caused it, I’ve realized what a great mistake I’ve made. Maybe breaking up with Savannah was inevitable and it helped me get to where I am today. I’ve been undergoing many different forms of therapy that have been helping me. Breaking up with Savannah is what it took to make me realize that I needed help.

I’ve been seeing this other girl for a few months. I met her at a charity function and we immediately began talking as if we were old friends. I must admit that I miss Savannah a lot and my mind keeps asking me what would have been if I handled things differently. I know that Savannah must be at university now and I hope she finds someone who loves her more than I ever could. I loved her with all my heart but at the time it wasn’t enough. Maybe someday along the road I can be a better man; someone she deserves.

It breaks my heart every time I speak to Jaxon and Jazzy and they ask how Savannah is and if they can visit her. I don’t have the heart to tell them that the relationship I had with Savannah is history. They love her so much. My mother has been trying her best to help me through my difficult times. I decided to leave music for a while so that I can hopefully recover as much as possible in a year. Things have been going great so far. I haven’t left music completely. I find myself writing new songs and recording in the studio on a weekly basis. Music is the only thing that makes me feel alive. My life feels so dreary and my psychologist assures me that it’s just the side effects of my depression. However, standing in the studio and recording feels as if there’s new blood rushing through my veins. These past few months have made me realize that I could never live without my music.

I’ve been taking it easy and resting quite a bit. Sometimes, delving into my mind and innermost thoughts leaves me battling with exhaustion for days. In the beginning I used to see my psychologist three times a week and the other four days I would be too exhausted to do anything else.

Recently my appointments were minimized to once a week. I spend the other days hanging out with friends and doing all the things I previously loved doing. I have to stay at home quite a lot because I’m trying to keep a low profile. Sometimes it feels like I’m being suffocated but I’m not ready to face the world yet. I just need to come to terms with everything that’s happened in the past few months. Ryan and Chaz have been so great to me. They flew in from Canada just so we could some time together. The summer in LA is marvelous and we spent most of our lazy, hot afternoons lounging by the pool.

I just wish I could see Savannah one more time to apologize for my behavior. I wish with all my heart that she can forgive me. I guess I just have to be patient. [A/N Forgive and Patience ;)]

I was lounging by the pool one afternoon when I heard squeals of laughter and screaming. I frowned curiously wondering who could be making the monumental amount of noise. I stood up from my chair slowly and walked towards the glass sliding doors leading into the house. The minute I stepped into the house I was attacked by two children. I grinned and bent down to hug them.

‘Jazzy! Jaxo!’ I yelled in delight.

Jazzy took my face into her hands and began assessing my face with squint eyes. I laughed at her ridiculous expression

‘What are you doing?’ I tried to ask but the words came out distorted as she stretched my lips in opposite directions.

‘Daddy said you are very sick,’ she said in a stern voice. ‘You look the same to me,’ she shrugged. I laughed at her innocence and kissed her forehead.

‘I love you Jazzy,’ I murmured with tenderness in my eyes.

‘Love you,’ she grinned before running off, leaving me alone with Jaxon. He tugged on my arm and smiled shyly at me.

‘What brings you here Jaxo?’ I asked curiously.

‘We wanted to see you for so long,’ he said with wide eyes. ‘But daddy said you were very sick,’ he frowned. ‘Yesterday he said we can come see you,’ he grinned. Then he began looking around curiously. ‘Where’s ‘Annah?’ he frowned. ‘Is she outside?’ he asked excitedly, getting ready to zoom off and look for her. I looked at him with sad eyes.

‘Maybe it’s time we had a talk,’ I murmured. ‘Jazzy,’ I yelled.

Jazzy came flying around the corner, sliding on the wooden floors and she stumbled into my arms. I smiled at her antics.   

‘Let’s go sit in the lounge and have a small talk,’ I smiled at them.

‘Wait!’ Jazzy looked at me pleadingly. ‘Can we have a snack first?’ she asked with wide eyes.

‘Sure,’ I chuckled. ‘What would you like?’

‘Oreos,’ she screamed excitedly.

I nodded and walked to the kitchen with them following closely behind. I poured three glasses of milk and sat the Oreos down on the table. I helped Jazzy and Jaxon up onto the bar stools before sitting down myself.

‘Savannah and I are no longer together,’ I told them. They frowned at me probably wondering what that meant.

‘What do you mean?’ Jazzy asked with a small pout.

‘Savannah is no more my girlfriend,’ I shrugged.

‘Oh,’ they both said simultaneously. I could see the disappointment in their eyes. They were the last people on earth whom I wanted to disappoint. I sighed sadly.

‘Who’s your new girlfriend?’ Jazzy asked sadly.

I took my phone out from my pocket and showed her a picture.

‘She’s pretty,’ Jazzy shrugged noncommittally.

‘When are we going to see ‘Annah again?’ Jaxon asked with his bottom lip trembling.

‘I don’t know,’ I whispered lowering my gaze. I looked up at Jaxon a few seconds later to see fat tears rolling down his reddened cheeks.

‘Please don’t cry Jaxo,’ I stood up and pulled him into my arms. He was crying hysterically.

Suddenly I heard my father’s voice.

‘Why is he crying?’ my father asked curiously.

‘Uhm,’ I bit my lip nervously. ‘I had to tell them about Savannah,’ I glanced at Jazzy only to find her sitting quietly and avoiding eye contact. Jazzy was never quiet and suddenly I understood how much they loved Savannah. ‘I’m sorry,’ I told all of them before running out of the kitchen and to my bedroom. I really screwed up and if I had another chance, I’d go back in time and change it.

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Hello my lovelies :)

This chapter is named after the song 'One Love' by Justin :D

I know this chapter is extremely late but last weekend I had a wedding in my family and I just couldn't find the time to write it ... It was ready last night but my internet connection wasn't good so I couldn't post ... I'm so sorry ... I will make it up to you by doing a double update in the future :)

Thank you all for reading :)

Justin's patience on the sidebar :D So sexy!!

Lots of Love

Imaan xx