This Life Of Mine

Chapter 1

Trigger Warning: Suicide Attempt

Hazel
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Today was the end for two beings. In Carlson Field, an old tree was being cut down, and in Hazel Wilson's apartment building, she would be cut down too. All her friends were about to go to the park to protest the cutting of the tree. They were about to knock on her door and invite her. She heard them down the hall, their angry voices, full of hope for the future. But they weren't her real friends. They didn't know her, didn't understand her. Sometimes she wondered why they were even her friends. Maybe because of her "mysteriousness". That could only be it, why else would they even bother with a basket case like her.
    It's thoughts like these that sent Hazel spiraling. That and mirrors. The very thought about looking at herself made her feel sick. She never liked it in Healmont, or as she liked to call it, Hellmont. It was always too loud and crazy. If it's like this here, what must it be like in big cities? She liked her old town better, where it was quiet and far away from everything.
    "Oh Hazel," singsonged Jodie. Hazel heard her other "friend" laugh, almost nervously, "C'mon, we need to go down to Carlson Field, the tree's about to be cut down!" That was Geoff.
Hazel wiped a tear that she hadn't noticed was falling and attempted to steady her voice, "Oh, um, sorry guys, I, uh, I don't feel good," she said, the lie tasting like poison in her mouth. She could practically see the crestfallen expressions on their faces from behind the door.
    "Oh ok. Well, I'll see you tomorrow then," replied Jodie.
    "Mhm," mumbled Hazel, fidgeting with her fingers, because she knew that wasn't true. She wouldn't see them tomorrow. She wouldn't see them ever again. She wouldn't see anyone ever again.
       But why wouldn't they leave? She could still hear them shuffling around outside her door. After an awkward 3 minutes, Hazel heard a loud sigh and steps down the hallway. And she was alone at last.
      She felt a happiness surge through her as she thought of her task, but she still didn't know how she'd do it. She did live in a fairly tall apartment building, and there were some medications in the bathroom, but as she thought, she remembered her consistent curiosity of how it would feel to free fall. Her decision was made: she would jump off the roof.
    She pressed her ear to her door to make sure Jodie and Geoff were gone. Once she was sure, she unlocked her door and skipped out and down the hallway to the stairs. She nearly giggled at the very prospect of finally being rid of this awful life. Hazel bounded up the stairs, three steps at a time, and when she reached the top, she threw open the door and smelt the fresh autumn air. All the colors on all the trees were brighter, the air was fresher.
    Humming her favorite song, she tiptoed to the edge, her toes hanging over. She felt something tug in the pit of her stomach as if an invisible string were pulling her back, whispering Don't do it . But there was no one there to stop her now, she realized with a shuddering breath. Hazel thought back to her apartment, her suicide note left on her bed, her mother that was never home and always drunk, her fake friends, everything that ever went wrong in her fourteen years of life.
       She barely noticed the tears streaming down her face, as fresh as the crisp air. She knew this was the right move. What else could she do? She tried therapy, she held on for as long as she could. But she couldn't afford therapy for long, and if she had her way, she would have died a long time ago. Things even picked up for a bit. She experimented with dating and sexuality and was happy for a bit.
       But happiness didn't last forever. Hazel remembered this as she looked down, but she didn't feel any regret or fear. Just complete acceptance.
       And that's what she thought as she took the infinitesimal step into the abyss

       The protesters shivered in their jackets as some attempted to climb the gorgeous, tall cedar tree that was about to be chopped down, and others yelled angrily, yielding posters. All the protesters were wearing green, a sea of foliage colored jackets.
    "THIS TREE DESERVES TO LIVE," "EVERYTHING DESERVES A LIFE," and, "LEND A HAND TO SAVE THE LAND" were the most common phrases. Jodie Parker and Geoff Krall were near the front, screaming their opinions and not noticing the absence of their friend.
    The lumberjack elbowed their way through the masses of protesters, wielding his ax as if he might chop down anyone who dared to get in his way. The crowd parted despite themselves but continued to shout at him. The few protesters in the tree shouted inaudible things to no one in particular. The lumberjack appeared to not notice those in the tree, for he hauled his ax over his shoulder, and took a practice swing, resting the blade against the bark, where his ax should land. He seemed to be gathering the courage to begin, his face contorted in concentration and frustration.

    Hazel left her eyes open as she fell, whistling through the air. She heard a distant scream. Was it coming from one of her neighbors? Hazel would never know. As the ground neared, she silently apologized to everyone she might be harming, but who would that be? Not her friends, and definitely not her alcoholic, absent mother, if she could even be called that. Hazel wasn't sorry though. This was the only way.
    She braced herself, as the ground was only about a foot away. She closed her eyes now, and she waited. She waited for pain, or maybe for nothingness. But it didn't come.

    Why is he waiting? That seemed to be the question everyone was thinking as the lumberjack stood there. Nevertheless, they continued to yell, just slightly confused this time. He wrenched his eyes open with a steely resolve and adjusted his stance. The protesters stopped yelling. Everyone waited with wide eyes, waiting to see what would happen. This was it. He lifted the ax off his shoulder and swung. The world seemed to move in slow motion. Just as the ax began to graze the bark, it stopped. Everything stopped. Then as if an invisible force field had appeared, everyone on and around the tree was flung backward.