This Life Of Mine

Chapter 6

Hazel
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Hazel slowly came to her senses and was surprised to realize that right now, she felt more rested than she ever had in her entire life. She shifted her senses around and found that she could tell which trees were resting. The ones who were, well their bark was a bit duller, as opposed to the ones who awake, and their bark was brighter, somehow. Hazel thought that maybe she might have forgotten about her whole... tree situation.
You are awake, observed the tree.
Yeah, I am. Sadly. And that's no offense against you, it was just really nice to have a good night's sleep for once, Hazel corrected quickly.
Oh. That is good, I think.
Yeah. Oh, and since you don't have a name, what should I call you.
The tree seemed to wince, Nothing. If you wish to speak to me, you can just direct your thoughts in my general direction.
Ah, and one more thing. How do I think to only one tree, instead of broadcasting to everyone, as I suppose I've been doing?
Ugh, can I teach you after? Your human-ness is exhausting. How do humans manage to do so much and still do other stuff?
If only I knew. Being a tree is exhausting too. So much nature, and too many smells, Hazel did her best to ignore the anger radiating off of the tree, from her insulting her favorite place ever. Hazel assumed that this was the only place she'd ever been.
Hazel Quickly sunk back into her stupor. She wasn't lying to the tree, she really was exhausted.
Can you get your human pet to shut up? She is really annoying, what with us hearing literally everything she is thinking, The tree heard another, grumpier tree thought to her,
I'm sorry, but she might just be the one.
The other tree scoffed, The key to what, understanding humans? I thought you said that you gave up on them a LONG time ago.
The tree rolled her eyes, I did, and that's not what I meant. I meant that she could help us all get back to our former glory.
I'm sick of you thinking that we all used to be humans. That was just you and this one over here, he mind-gestured to a skinny tree to the east of him, And she's not even tempted to get back like you are.
He was right. She could only assume that the reason the skinny tree was still here was that it was too hard for her to love life. The tree she had swapped with had definitely wanted to come back. She was just that kind of tree, and joyous.
As for me, she thought, I learned to love life. I found beauty in almost everything. From the smallest bird to the cats that would climb and scratch up the tree and the dogs that would bark after them. But the tree I swapped with had not wanted to return to being a tree, she had liked being a human so much. Because I was human, I am in charge of teaching all of the new human switches. After all the time I have spent as a tree, and this is my reward? Half-assing a bunch of depressed kids? I can't even remember how long I've been here. It must have been at least twenty years. I don't remember my own name.
That, teach me that, said Hazel's eager voice.
The tree sighed, Teach you what?
Come on, I can practically see your inner monologue, even if I can't hear it, and I'd like you to teach me how to think to myself. I feel like I must be using extra energy to be able to think to everyone.
For the love of god, teach her. It's using extra energy just to have to have to listen to her. I'm going to have to do double time on my photosynthesis. And you know how much I hate photosynthesis, warned the grumpy tree.
All right, all right, she said to both Hazel and the grumpy tree. Then, zoning her thoughts to Hazel, she started to speak, To think to a certain tree, at first it requires some effort. You have to think of your thoughts like a laser beam, honing in on one specific point, directing your thoughts there.
Hazel concentrated, picturing a cartoon-ish laser. Like from the show she used to watch before... before her father died. Her concentration faltered as she thought of her dad.
The tree sighed to herself, I'm sorry about your dad.
Hazel knew she didn't mean it. Maybe the giveaway was her sighing before and after she offered condolences. And also the fact that she forgot to think to herself when she said, I just want to get this over with.
The tree must have realized that she thought that out loud, because she radiated shock and embarrassment, Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I did not mean that, she said, probably aware of how fake her apology sounded.
The grumpy tree shook his head, Not cool man. Not cool.
The tree glared at him.
Hazel remained stoic throughout the whole encounter, It's fine, I just want to get this over with too, She sighed, Just teach me.
Miffed, the tree started her lesson, Alright then. Focus on trying to think privately to me first. Then you can meet other trees, She joked. When Hazel didn't respond, she continued, Bad joke, I get it, I'm sorry. Anyway, continuing. Focus your thoughts like a laser beam to me. You can even imagine I'm someone from your home, that you are trying to talk discreetly to. Close your eyes, She instructed.
Hazel sagged, Do I have to?
Yes.
Reluctantly, Hazel closed her eyes, Now teach.
Hey, I make the rules here. But I am going to teach. Now that your eyes are closed, imagine that you are human. You are walking towards someone to tell them something, it is important. Lean in and whisper it in their ear. What are you saying?
Nothing. I thought this was hypothetical.
It is. But do you have anything in mind that you need to tell someone? If not, just think of something random.
Okay, something random, something important. I am saying... 'Cats eating dogs.'
Really? That's your big important announcement? Do you even want to learn, or are you just here for the laughs?
If I wanted a real laugh, I would have jumped off a building. Oh, wait.
Very funny, but suicide jokes aren't funny. But seriously, think of something important that you have said before, or something you want to tell something.
Hazel sighed, I'm just not very creative. I'm not good at these things. Never have been.
You do not have to be creative. You just have to think of something that was already on your mind. Come on, It's not that hard.
Suddenly, Hazel thought of something, Okay, I got something, and I promise that it's serious this time.
Okay, good. Now, you are walking towards the person you need to tell this. And who is it?
My mom.
Okay. You are walking to your mom, and you are focused on her like a laser beam. Now, you are right next to her, you lean toward her and whisper...
Hazel inhaled nervously, Mom, I, uh, I need to tell you something.
The tree tried for her best motherly voice, Yes, sweetie? She asked, cringing.
Hazel winced.
Don't even say anything. Just pretend I am your mom.
That's going to be pretty-
Just... do it.
Fine, she sighed, Mom, I need to tell you something. And please don't say anything. Just listen. I am bisexual. And it is not a phase. Being straight was my phase.
The tree thought to the grumpy tree, Did you hear any of that?
Every word.
The tree sighed discreetly.
Did I get it? Asked Hazel expectantly.
Almost, but not quite. Try again one more time.
Should I say the same thing?
If you want to.
Okay, I will. I can't believe that I have to come out again. It was hard enough the first two times.
Two?
Yeah, because I came out to my friends and stuff. And obviously, this was my second time.
Obviously, mimicked the tree.
Hey, I'm bisexual, so that counts as a hate crime.
What? Protested the tree.
I'm just joking. Jeez, take a joke.
Enough jokes, get to coming out again.
Fine, Hazel took a couple calming breaths. For some reason, this still made her nervous, Okay, I am a laser beam. I am shooting lasers out of my eyes. That visual seemed to help her, so the tree didn't interrupt, I am bisexual, it's not a phase. Being straight was my phase.
How was that? She asked, almost resigned.
Well? The tree asked the grumpy tree.
Heard it all.
Not quite, the tree said to Hazel.
Great, she sighed.
It's fine. You just need to say it with more emotion, like you mean it. You said your mom was a drunk, so picture that exact scene. You open the door to your house and she is on the couch, a bottle of wine in her hand.
Hazel winced. This situation was one she knew all too well.
You approach her and ask to tell her something. She lazily looks at you and says something so slurred that you can't even tell what she is saying.
Nope, I have learned how to tell whatever she is saying, no matter how drunk she is.
Stop. Let me finish. Wait, if you know what she would say, then what would she say?
Well, based on your description, she said, "What the hell do you want?"
Okay, well what do you do next? Remember what I told you: laser beams.
Hazel took a shuddering breath, I sit down next to her and lean closer and say, "I need to tell you something. I, uh, I'm bisexual. And please, please don't say anything. Just listen. I am bisexual. And it is not a phase. Being straight was my phase. That is all. Goodbye."
Did you hear that?
Nope.
Nice, said the tree. Shifting her focus back to Hazel, she said, You really like that phrase.
Which one?
The 'being straight was my phase' one.
Oh, I guess so. How did I do this time?
Perfectly.
YES! Thank you! Does this mean that I can just think to myself now?
Almost. At first, it will require more energy, but you'll get the hang of it. You just need more practice.
How much practice do you think that will be?
It really depends.
And do I have to be super emotional every time that I do it?
No, it just helps for your first time, to be able to channel your thoughts.
Hazel was immensely relieved, Thank god.
The tree winced at Hazel's choice of words, Please do not say that.
Hazel was confused, Say what?
The G-word. God. I may not remember much, but I remember that you should not use the Lord's name in vain.
Umm, okay. Wait, what do you mean you don't remember much?
Crap, the tree thought to herself, Nothing, never mind, she said to Hazel.
No, tell me, demanded Hazel. But she could feel her thoughts hitting a wall. The tree had blocked her out.