This Life Of Mine

Chapter 4

Hazel
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Hazel was extremely uncomfortable now. She had been standing in this very position for about five hours. Hazel wasn't positive, but she had a hunch that she might be some form of nature, and considering how tall she felt, she assumed it was a tree. It felt like about five million bugs had landed on her in this span of time and it was at those times when Hazel was extremely grateful that she couldn't move. If she were able to, she would have too many bee stings to count. She was terrified of bees, due to an infestation of bees at her old house in Groton. She and her mother got so many bee stings that they both had to go to the hospital. She had been deathly afraid of them ever since.
You must be the new one. Hazel heard this echoing around her head, in the same way that her thoughts had, but this wasn't her thinking. She couldn't look around, but earlier today she noticed that she could shift her focus to a certain part of her body. She did this now, but only saw other trees.
She heard a deep rumbling, almost like laughter. That's right, other trees have thoughts too. Just because you used to be human doesn't mean that you are original. You're not the first person to be turned into a tree.
Hazel was too offended to be shocked. Excuse me? Asked Hazel.
More laughing, I'm just messing with you, it's all cool.
Hazel mentally sighed in relief. She thought she would have to go off on someone. Wait... so I am a tree? Also, who are you? Asked Hazel. She got a strong vibe that the tree was rolling its eyes at her.
Yes, you are. We trees don't have names. At some point, we obtain the ability to direct our thoughts to a specific tree and communicate with them specifically. Right now, I'm only speaking to you, but every other tree here can hear only your side of this conversation and it sounds like you are talking to yourself.  Do not worry though, this happens more often than you would expect.
Since you were human before, I'm going to go ahead and assume you had a name.
Have, Retributed Hazel, I have a name. And it is Hazel. Was it her imagination, or did Hazel see the tree smirking? She mentally shook her head. Trees don't have faces, so that could not be real.
Feisty, Remarked the tree,  I like it. But, you will have to control that here. Some trees are a bit, ah, touchier than others, for a lack of better words.
Hazel desperately wanted to ignore this advice, but she also just wanted to stop being a tree and go back to her life. Or would it be her death? Either way, she didn't want to be a tree. It's only been a couple of hours, but Hazel got the picture.
Yeah, no you don't. You're not allowed to go anywhere until you can genuinely appreciate the beauty of life and nature as a whole.
Hazel sighed internally. Why do you think I wanted to die in the first place? She demanded Everything was messed up, I couldn't fit in, I couldn't make real friends, I couldn't do anything right. Not even school. Under normal circumstances, I would tell you to check my report card for proof, but since you're a tree, I'll just tell you myself.
Rude, interjected the tree.
Hazel shot her the closest thing she could muster to a glare, As I was saying, I've flunked out of all my classes since sixth grade. Trust me when I say that I'm not exaggerating. Hell, I can't even pass tech ed. The damn robot class!
Listen, kid, I am not going to baby you. If you can not figure your stuff out, you are going to be stuck as a tree for the rest of your tiny human life. So you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and focus on your goal.
Hazel was shocked. That was the closest thing to a pep talk that she had ever gotten, seeing as her mom had been an alcoholic for as long as she could remember, and she was never involved in any sports. Y-yes ma'am, stammered Hazel.
Good. Do you have any idea how you will go about accomplishing your... task?
Hazel raised her metaphorical eyebrows. Is one supposed to know how to learn to love life? Wow, that sounds cheesy.
Well, not necessarily, The tree countered, ignoring the last comment, I was just wondering if you had a plan.
Hazel rolled her eyes, For your information, I do. Not.
The tree sighed, Why are you like this?
What?
I know most teenagers - is that the right term these days?- are kinda sarcastic, but you're just mean.
I'm... offended, stammered Hazel, for a lack of better words.
    Get over it.
    You know, you are not good at these pep talks. I mean, at first, I kinda liked it, but you should stop saying that I am mean because you are the mean one.
    The tree smirked,  Now we're talking.
    Can you please stop being so confusing? What are you talking about?
    Well, seeing as you tried to kill yourself, I would say that it's safe to assume that you do not typically stand up for yourself. So, I tried bullying you, and as it turns out, you are quite good at standing up for yourself.
    Let me ask you a question, and please answer this completely honestly. Do you like cats?
    Hazel's thoughts must have been extremely dubious, for the tree became quite defensive, Jeez, just a joke. Take a chill pill.
    What is your actual question? Assuming you had one, that is.
    Of course! Exclaimed the tree, You think I would set you up for a serious question and then ask you if you like cats? Is that how low you think of me?
    I really don't know what to think of you. You are kind of a misleading tree.
    That's fair. But I do have an actual question.
    Shoot.
    What?
    Hazel forgot that trees didn't have the same slang as humans, Never mind. What is your question?
    Okay, so I have asked this question to all of the other human-tree people, and I would like to ask you too. Why did you try to kill yourself?
    I already told you-,
    No, not the school part. That is not the whole answer. That is never the whole answer.
    How did-
    It does not matter how I know. Just tell me. Once you find the root of your problem, you can begin to improve yourself. Now answer the damn question.
    Taken aback, Hazel struggled to find her answer, In all honesty, school is most of the reason, but you are right in the fact that it is not the whole reason. School put tons of pressure on me, for deadlines and grades and stuff. But I also was under so much pressure from my mother. She was always either not home, drunk, or screaming at me for a number of reasons. She would find any reason to yell at me, recalled Hazel bitterly, It could have been my grades, how I have dressed in clothing that was too revealing, or if I was dressed like a prude. There were endless possibilities. I think in a way, I was happier when she wasn't paying attention to me. At least then, she wasn't yelling.
    As for friends, I had about two. Even then they were not real friends.
    What do you mean?
    I was getting to that. Patience, young grasshopper.
    What?
    Never mind. Just another human reference. I keep forgetting that you are not human.
    I take that as a compliment.
    It was intended as one. Anyways, back to wallowing. I had two "friends". Jodie and Geoff. We didn't talk much. We never hung out outside of school. I think we were friends because we all needed friends. I needed them because I thought having friends would help my depression, and I think they either pitied me or liked me because I was 'mysterious' or something.
    We never talked about anything deep, or anything meaningful. We only talked about the stupidest things, like sports, or television shows.
    Hazel laughed nervously, Wow that is probably the most I've ever said... ever, honestly.
    The tree was sympathetic, How does that make you feel?
    Hazel inhaled sharply, realizing she had let her guard down. Her guard had become the most important thing in her unimportant life. Her guard protected her when no one else would.
I feel... really vulnerable.
    Good, said the tree approvingly, Progress.
    Hazel was too tired to wonder what that meant. Is there, like, any way that trees can sleep or something?
    Um, kind of. It's not exactly sleeping, or at least not in the same way that most people think of it. We kind of rest, but not really sleep. It's hard to explain, let me just walk you through it.
    Okay, just imagine you are weightless. Stop thinking, stop everything. This may sound cheesy, but just... relax. Now, inhale... exhale. Inhale... exhale.
    Hazel already felt herself falling asleep.
    Good. Keep breathing.
    The tree might as well have been talking to a wall now, for Hazel was now sleeping.