Two Is Better Than One

1: Infatuation vs Love

I don't like this, this is not me...

Words over my head every time I go home from church. It's not that I hate going to church, it's just that every time I enter the vicinity my eyes automatically seeks over this certain girl.

Why?

I can't focus, my eyes is somewhat pasted at the girl. I always end up finding her at the corner of my eyes. This always bothers me.

It's been a year since I started going to a Christian church. My friend invited me and he taught me things about Christ, scolding me about the things I should not do.

At first I thought do I really need to? Apparently I have to change the way I am in order to find happiness through the Lord. Do I really have to? I mean I think I'm fine enough as I am, logically speaking. I don't do drugs, I go to school, I even wash my own clothes. What else could be wrong with me?

These were the thoughts that echoed over my head every time. But, it all changed afterwards. It was when I saw this girl, the girl sitting in front of me carelessly waving her hand over her head. I watched her sing and dance throughout the songs nonchalantly, praising the Lord.

I was curious, as to where she found her overwhelming confidence, she doesn't even care that someone might be disturbed over her actions. I mean, she's waving her hand in front of me while taking all the space that was supposedly where I should be standing, making me back away further to the person at my back.

That was the very first struggle in my Christian life, literally, struggling over where I should place my self between this insensible girl and the person at my back.

The girl turned around and smiled at me, I smiled back at her unconsciously and the person at my back tapped my shoulder and smiled.

At that point I felt funny, I mean, my heart suddenly felt lighter than it already was, I sang out loud and tried raising my hand to the Lord. And at the middle of the worship song my tears fell down, I don't know why or what made me feel that way but I continued praising the Lord. It was the very first time I sang my heart out. The flame inside my heart was burning and I thought to my self, He really is here, he really is real and he really does love me. At that moment I decided to dedicate my life serving the Lord.

And you know what, he really never fail to amaze me.

From my studies, to my family everything was changed. Mom decided to join me at the church and after a month our life suddenly turned upside down; in a better way. My Father, who's supposed to be a Catholic devotee, and a drunkard, was changed and started to come with us too, he stopped coming home late and they stopped arguing about his affairs -allegedly-, and our meals became filled with more pleasant laughter.

But one thing that's been bothering me is, I can't get off my thoughts about the girl. Every time I close my eyes I cant help my self from wondering what she's doing, I can't focus my self to the Lord.

At times I thought she's cute, although she has a boyish personality but I find it cute anyway. She always comes up to me and greet me with a smile.

Like right now she's talking to me with her usual over the top confidence.

"Hey how's your day? Been working on those muscles?" She lifted her hand flexing her plain looking biceps.

She seriously thought Im like one of those dudes that goes to the gym regularly. Too bad Im too busy feeding my sisters cat.