Insanity

Chapter 1

Song: Unravel Me by Sabrina Claudio

☆☆☆

"Something in the sun or
the air is making me want
to run away from here."

☆☆☆

October 11th, 2002

The frost from the cryostasis chamber mixed with pained sweat from the cognitive reconditioner and dripped off of the tips of his hair like an icicle melting on a warm March afternoon. His hands still felt numb from the cold and his cheeks and nose were as pink as the bubblegum he hadn't tasted in decades. He felt like he had just run ten miles in blistering heat and yet, he felt chilled all the same. He sniffed and swiped at his dripping nose with his wrist, taking a moment to swallow to try and soothe his raw throat.

The only thing worse than going back in the chamber was coming out. Coming out meant he had a job, a mission, to complete. Coming out meant people were going to die and more blood would be on his hands. Coming out meant intense pain from the metal chair as being forced to forget everything he knew. Some days he wished he'd be left in the cryostasis chamber forever, and other days he wished he could reverse time and never even be born.

How nice it would have been to have a normal life as an eighty-something year old. Perhaps he would have had grandchildren. Maybe he would have lived on a quiet farm in the country with a beautiful wife.

He scowled and pushed the silly, intrusive thoughts from his mind. Those thoughts were the ones that made him weak and vulnerable; he had no time for such mundane, simple things. He had a job, many jobs, to do. He assured himself that Hydra only made him forget everything for a good reason.

Or, almost everything.

He wasn't sure why, but over the past eleven years one sole phrase had stuck with him. He never mentioned it to his superiors, and thus they never saw a reason to take the phrase away from him. So he clung to that phrase like a child to its blanket, feeling as if it was the only thing he had left in life to keep him secure.

Don't let them break you.

But aside from that, there was something else. Something more confusing, more painful.

A name. He knew a name.

He wasn't sure if it was his name, and for the life of him he couldn't remember where it had come from or who had said it. And although he wasn't positive it was his name, he stuck with it, because anything was better than Soldier.

Barnes. His name, whether true or not, was now Barnes. He pictured an old man telling him so, but he knew there was about a two percent chance of him being right. The name could have come from anywhere and he'd never remember; what he pictured meant nothing.

So Barnes sat completely still, taking deep breaths in through his nose and exhaling out through his mouth to try and calm his pounding heart. It was a technique he had been taught many years ago to help with his stamina and he found himself relying on it during many of his missions to keep him energized. It worked well enough, anyway.

The Russian man, who Barnes believed to be named Karpov judging by things he probably wasn't supposed to hear, sauntered back into the room, his hands clasped behind his back and a tight lipped smile on his face. "Soldier, this will be a much different mission for you," the sleeper agent said, his voice ricocheting off of the high concrete walls. Barnes said nothing, merely staring at the man; he rarely spoke unless asked a direct question. "Follow me. I will explain on the way," Karpov said, pivoting on his heel and heading back towards the large wrought iron doors.