Insanity

Chapter 7

Song: Wicked Game cover by Ursine Vulpine

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"The world was on fire, 
and no one could save me 
but you."

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Barnes paced back and forth across the gym floor the following day, an anxious mess. What had he done? He was an absolute idiot. He should have just told Natalia that he didn't have a name but instead he, a soldier trained to act as though he doesn't exist, gave her a name that for all he knew wasn't even his! He was so caught up in the idea of finally having someone to talk to that he hadn't considered any consequences of what would happen if Natalia eventually ended up in the field on a misson and told someone that information. Both he and Hydra would surely be wiped out entirely. Barnes had worked himself up so much that he hardly slept a wink last night, trading some much needed rest for an intense workout in the training gym. He'd wandered back to his room at around four a.m., dozed off for an hour or two, and then was back in the training gym.

No matter how many push-ups he did, how much weight he lifted, how long he punched at the bags hanging flimsily from the ceiling, nothing could seem to take his mind off of what he had done. He never imagined how heavy a few simple words could weigh on his mind, constantly threatening to expose him and Hydra altogether if even a single soul found out what he had told Natalia.

He punched till his knuckles were cracked and sore, because he hadn't been patient enough to bother to wrap them before wreaking havoc on the bags. Barnes collapsed to the floor, a sweaty, heavy breathing mess. He tucked his knees to his chest, running his bloodied hand through the mats of long hair clinging to his scalp. What had he done? What would happen to him?

The door to the gym creaked open and Barnes sprung to his feet faster than he ever had. "Barnes?" Natalia's voice rang out; he hadn't been fast enough. "Are you okay?"

Barnes cleared his throat, folding his arms across his broad chest in an attempt to hide his red hand. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said gruffly, hoping to defect her curiosity.

Natalia's eyes flitted to his hands tucked at his sides, and she frowned. "What did you do to your hands?" she asked, and Barnes glanced down at his right hand. Though it was hiding quite well underneath his cybernetic arm, three drips of blood almost resembling spiderwebs had tainted his wrist a dull red. Natalia's eyes switched from his hand to the punching bags behind him, and her eyes widened. "Were you punching without wrapping your hand first?" she asked, nodding towards the bag behind Barnes, crossing her arms.

Barnes turned to see what she was looking at, and he immediately noticed the splotchy red patches littering the cream colored bag hanging from the ceiling - red splotchy patches that hadn't been there the previous day. "I was practicing," he lied. "I didn't think to wrap my hand first."

Natalia scoffed. "The Winter Soldier? Practicing?" she chuckled, shaking her head. "Yeah, I'm so sure you of all people are out of practice."

Barnes grabbed his right hand in his left, squeezing it to try and stop the bleeding. "Use it or you lose it," he smirked and shrugged awkwardly, feeling slightly out of character; he usually wasn't this animated. Natalia seemed to notice but to his surprise, she didn't seem repulsed and instead, she smiled back. It was nice, but it was different. It made Barnes feel all warm on the inside and he wasn't sure how to react. Not wanting to make things any more awkward than they already were, Barnes asked, "You wanna get started?"

Natalia nodded. "Let's get to it."

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