Insanity

Chapter 23

Song: So Far by Olafur Arnalds

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"So far from who I was. 
From who I was. 
From who I want to be."

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At that one simple word, multiple, vague thoughts came pouring into Soldier's head at once. Walking down a street, riding a ferris wheel, running down several different back alleys. . . and in every single picture that came to his mind, he saw the small man, the small man who looked hauntingly similar to the man standing across from him now.

But why had the man asked for Bucky? And why did he look so confused?

Soldier's pulse quickened and a horrible, intrusive thought entered his mind: was he supposed to be Bucky? It couldn't be, he didn't have a name. Did he?

In a moment of confused anger, he asked the man, "Who the hell is Bucky?" He raised his pistol to fire at the man but just as he did something struck him hard in the side, sending him to the ground. It seemed to have come out of practically nowhere, actually, and he couldn't even tell what it was before it was gone. Maybe he was hallucinating, but it almost looked to be a flying man, with wings and everything.

Soldier stood, surprised to see the man still gaping at him. As he looked at the man more and more, he felt like maybe, just maybe, he was more than a familiar face; Soldier thought maybe he actually recognized the man. Things, memories maybe, still came surging at him in short bursts before disappearing again, and every single one had the man in it. He began to panic, wondering what was wrong with his head and who this man was, and for a moment he actually forgot his mission. His hand shook and grew sweaty as he raised his pistol again, just wanting to end this and make the staticky feeling in his head go away.

But once again he was stopped, this time by a grenade flying for his face. He didn't even have time to jump before it detonated, smashing his head against the ground. The last thing he saw was the red haired woman holding his grenade launcher, and the horrified man with the shield beside her.

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His stomach felt like it was performing a gymnastics routine and he groaned, rubbing his throbbing eyes with his hand. The ground seemed to be moving beneath him, and upon looking around he seemed to be in the back of a vehicle. Every bump the car went over tempted him to vomit but he didn't, choosing to shut his eyes instead.

Something cool was draped across his forehead, and he opened his eyes. Brock Rumlow, Hydra agent and spy in S.H.I.E.L.D., stood over him, pressing an ice pack to his forehead. "You took quite a hit," he said, his voice sounding like he was screaming in Soldier's head. "What happened?"

Soldier shook his head lightly. "I don't know. I got distracted, I think."

Rumlow scoffed. "You, distracted? Impossible," he said. "Was it the, uh, the guy with the shield?" he asked, and Soldier nodded. Once again, Rumlow's face turned almost pitying and Soldier shut his eyes so he wouldn't have too look at him any longer. He felt like maybe Rumlow knew something about the man, something he wasn't sharing. He heard Rumlow sigh, and opened his eyes a bit. "Listen, if you tell Pierce what happened, I might be able to tell you about the man. Right now all I can tell you is he works for S.H.I.E.L.D."

The man working for S.H.I.E.L.D. made a lot of sense, actually. And that wasn't the part of what Rumlow said that bothered him. But to tell Pierce? He couldn't recall if he'd ever even spoken to the man and his first words to him were about to be that he failed his mission? That would surely go over well. He could imagine it now, describing to Pierce how he only managed to eliminate one of four targets; Pierce would be so disappointed, but he probably already knew anyway. He hated to think what Pierce was going to do to him, and just the thought sent shivers down his spine.