Summertime ~ Frerard

He shouldn't have known ~ 2

song(s): hospital beds, palaye royale
rag doll, palaye royale

I stare up at the dark ceiling of Brendon's room, still wide awake, thoughts running wild, even when everyone has already fallen asleep laying down somewhere on the numerous blankets and pillows laid out on the soft carpet. It wasn't our first group sleepover like this.

I feel some shifting near me and see Josh pulling his boyfriend's sleeping form to his chest, snuggling on top of a thick, dark red blanket.

I feel lonely sometimes. I look at my friends and feel slightly jealous of some of them. Brendon has Ryan, Tyler has Josh, Awsten has Geoff and Mikey has Pete. I know i'm being kind of selfish, almost, but loneliness is awful.

I wonder if I'm ever going to get someone to love me like i so desperately want to. I really don't care about the gender. But then I remember that nobody likes me. I look at all of the wonderful people in this room and i wonder if I'm ever going to be good enough. Tears start welling up in my eyes and i quickly wipe them away with the back of my hand, a tiny sob manages to make its way out of my lips. I don't want to cry here, there are too many people to witness it and i don't want them to.

I go back to staring to the dark ceiling, and something touches my stomach. I look down and someone had mistaken me for a pillow. The bright teal hair is a dead giveaway for who it is, and i let him lay on me, i don't mind, it's not the first time Ryan and I had been so close, and the warmth of someone else is nice when you're feeling lonely.

I let myself fall asleep, finally, the almost complete silence of the room lulling me in a dreamless, restless sleep.

~~~

I wake up at around eleven, everyone else still laying down, sleeping, or at least pretending to.

"Mh, what the hell? Why is my pillow breathing?," Ryan asks, voice thick with sleep "Oh, sorry Gee" he apologizes, and i flash him a small smile, as to tell him that i don't mind at all.

"Seb, could you move your fucking elbow, you're kinda hurting me" someone, Remington, I suppose, half yells from the other side of the room.

"Rem, shut up, i'm trying to sleep here" the brother commands, before hitting him on the arm.

"Ow, you didn't just hit me, did you?" Remington threatened, before hitting his brother back.

"Stop being childish fuckers, you have woken Mikey up" Pete ordered, his tone almost stern enough to be scary. Yesterday they eventually showed up to the small party later in the night, with messy hair and red cheeks.

Now half of us are awake, sitting on the floor, wondering who the fuck was making all this noise.

"Now, wake up you fuckers, if you want breakfast come downstairs, Ry and I will be there" Brendon loudly announces to the seventeen of us, before gently grabbing Ryan's hand and exiting the room.

I decide that eating wouldn't be bad and choose to follow the couple downstairs, but apparently every one else did so, as they got up and started following me.

We get greeted by Mrs.Urie downstairs, "Good morning boys! I've made some pancakes and stuff in the kitchen, just try not to trash the place, i know how you tend to be" she smiles at us, by now used to the group of nineteen teenage boys, the sleepovers at each other's houses a common thing we had been doing for years. We had known each other our whole lives, the small town's school system putting each other in the same classes since kindergarten.

~~~

I slam the door of my bedroom, and lock it, the digital clock on my bedside table signing 1:43 pm.

I sit on my bed, and my phone buzzes in my back pocket. I pull it out. It's a text from Patrick.

Fedora: Hey Gee, how are you?
Lemongee: I'm fine, you saw me barely an hour ago, what's up?
Fedora: You can tell me whatever, you know
Lemongee: Pat, what happened?

He hadn't heard me cry, did he? It would be embarrassing to explain.

Fedora: I kinda saw you cry last night, is everything alright? I'm kinda worried, you know.
Lemongee: I'm fine, i just get really sad sometimes, and i don't know why.

I lied. I know why i feel so lonely at all times, but sometimes lying is easier than explaining.

Fedora: Okay...
Fedora: just know that you can talk to any of us anytime

I sigh, and switch off my phone. He saw me cry. Fuck. I run my fingers through my hair, like i do whenever i'm stressed and embarassed. He saw me. Oh god, he knows, he knows, he knows and he shouldn't have known.

I take a deep breath and bury my head into my pillow. I feel so ashamed and i don't even why. I need something to calm me down. I sit back up on the bed, rubbing my eyes. I grab my sketchbook and a random pencil, and start to draw, mostly random faces and shapes.

I need some fresh air. I grab my school backpack, and dump its content on the floor. I shove my pencil case, sketchbook and phone inside, and i zip it shut.

I run down the stairs, yelling a faint "Mom, i'm going out, I'll be back before dinner!"

I start walking down a familiar street, the warm summer wind making me sweat already.

The place i so desperately wanted to get to comes into sight. It's nothing special, it's a small park Mikey and I used to spend our afternoon at when we were kids. We'd dream of being astronauts, we'd chase each other around, pretending to be dinosaurs. We'd be whatever we wanted to be.

Now it's just a small, dirt field with rusty swings. But it was a good enough place to hide.

But is seems like i'm not the only one who thought the same thing, as i see a small boy, sitting on a swing, every piece of skin on his arms and neck covered in tattoos. He had almost long, jet black hair, the sides shaved and dyed red. He wore all black, with red converse, and was that eyeliner?

~~~
A/N FRANKIE IS HERE!!!! (I've finished this chapter during a free period, and i'm posting this during break, lol.) (I haven't edited this)