Lovable (Zane x Travis fanfic)

Where I've Been + Update

Hey guys! I know it's been a while, maybe a year or so? Maybe more? I just know it's been a very long time. I wanted to take the time to say where I've been as well as an Idea I've been having, but I'm gonna talk about the pros and cons of it while I'm writing this, so I guess you can see my thought process. Anyways, here we go.

A lot of things have happened. I finally got a life lol. I have friends that I hang out with regularly, as well as the internet friends I talk to daily. "But JJ, why aren't you writing?" Well, honestly, it's because of a multitude of things.

1.) I was (and still am) severely judgemental of my writing style, as I think it's pretty basic. I haven't been writing because I've wanted to improve, but feel like I never have. (For example, my friends Alayna and Mel have far superior writing skills than I do, and I one day want to reach their level.) Plus, I had looked back on my work and I realized that I was kind of foolish. On top of the many typos I said that I would fix but never did, I really saw my writing as basic, like I had given up, like I genuinely couldn't describe feelings any more than the basics. I felt defeated.

(I also want to take the time to say that While looking back on my work, I deleted any chapters that had dealt with incestual content involving Garroth, Zane, and Vylad. At the time, I wasn't aware of how toxic it was to include those oneshots, but once I did learn, I removed them. I will *never* write any incestual oneshots again.)

2.) I'm old. I started writing my Aphmau related content I believe when I was either 16 or 17. Regardless, I'm 20 years old now. I've been very busy with life, including maintaining the friendships I have, as well as being a college student, things have been very hectic for a while now, but that's normal for someone like me.

3.) My mental health. For those who don't know, I have Severe Depression. I don't take medication for it, as I don't want to deal with the side effects, and I do not go to therapy, as I do not have the resources to get therapy, so I just deal with it. I go on day to day, always reminding myself that I'm loved by those around me and that I'm here for a reason. I'm fortunate to have never been suicidal, but if anybody who is reading this is, please don't do it. You mean something to others, you are loved even when you don't believe so.

4.) Writer's block. Every time I try and get back into the groove of writing, I go *kerplunk* and phase out. It sucks, as writing was one of my passions for so long, but now that my life is going on, I have less time and motivation to do so.

So, for those of you who have made 8t this far, here is the idea that I'm currently thinking of:

I want to restart everything. No, I'm not gonna get rid of Zanvis, that's the whole reason I made this book. When you think about it, I started this book as just fanfiction, but I evolved it into an AU, which included a self insert OC. I used to be ashamed of inserting him into the story, but, not anymore. My OC was and still is my main form of Escapism when life gets too stressful and draining. Sorry if that bothers anyone, but I'm not changing it. Since the events of this story happen after the A-Con Finale Part 1, which has been AGES AGO, I'm really glad with how this story has turned out, except for 1 thing: The ships. I want to rearrange who everyone is going to be with. The only ships that'll stay the same are Zanvis and Katemau, everyone else is going to end up with a new partner. And I wouldn't just do it abruptly, I would think of ways to integrate it into the story. But I basically want a fresh start that's Canon in my AU. Does that make sense? I will finish this side story arc, and then I'm going to think of the ways I can make the rearrange Canon.

I hope you all can understand my absence. I'm not going to make any promises, but I am going to try and update more often. Thanks for 73,000+ reads! Stay awesome!

JJ~