Are we friends or are we more?

Chapter 5

I laugh at the joke I made, Joe does too but it's an empty laugh he didn't really find it funny. I take a sip of my coffee, we are now sat in a little coffee shop near our houses. Joe has been acting funny since the whole tattoo thing about 20 minutes ago and it's really annoying me. I don't see how one tiny tattoo is going to affect Joe and his life. I sigh slightly. "What's up?" I ask.

"Huh?" He says looking at me, he'd been staring out the window the whole time we've been sat here. "Nothing, why?"

I roll my eyes."Joe I've known you for like forever, I know when something is wrong." 

Joe shrugs looking out the window again. He watches as the people walk by, I watch too looking at the little girl walking by with her mum. I wish I was that age again life used to be so simple. "Is it the tattoo?" I ask.

Joe stops looking out of the window and looks down at his coffee cup, I turn my eyes away from the outside world and force myself to look at him. Joe and I don't normally talk about stuff like this, we just joke around but I'm determined for him to tell me what's up. "I guess." Joe says studying his coffee.

"Why does it bother you so much?" I ask trying not to sound angry about it. Though I'm a year younger than Joe at the minute I feel like I'm the eldest, the most mature.

"It's just." Joe tries to find the words, he looks up from his coffee to me. "It's not you." He says and looks me in the eyes. "It's not the you I know, the you I know is a complete geek and just wants to do well in life. The you I know has dreams and follows them. She doesn't go out and do stupid things like getting drunk, or high or getting a tattoo."

It's mine turn to feel a little awkward now. I guess we have both changed, but it's not just me Joe has changed too. I turn my head away to look outside again, I see 2 old people walking together holding hands. "Why does it bother you so much Joe?" I ask watching as the women's face lights up at something the man just told her. A part of me imagines me and Joe in 45 years timedoing the same thing, but I ignore the butterflies in my stomach and brush the idea out of my mind.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm loosing you Autumn." Joe says. "That you're changing into someone I don't know any more and that idea scares me."

I can't help but get a little annoyed, if Joe made more effort with me then perhaps he wouldn't feel like that. I cough slightly at his comment. "I've changed?" I ask looking back to Joe and away from the old couple.

"A little bit." Joe shrugs awkwardly seeing how annoyed I am.

"What about you Joe?" My voice rises slightly and I try to push away the anger bubbling up in my stomach. "Are you exactly the same person you were a year and a half ago? No I don't think you are. What happened to you Joe, when did you stop caring?"  My voice cracks and I'm not sure but I think I'm about to cry.

Joe just looks at me and I can tell he is trying to find something to say. "I haven't." Is all he finally says.

I take a deep breathe and I know that I need to go or I will cry. I've never cried in front of Joe before, only once when they came to my granddads funeral. "I need to get home, I have some e-mails to check." I say using the excuse Joe always uses. I grab my phone off the table while I stand up and walk out the door.

The cold fresh air hits my face and I can feel the tears coming along but I don't want to cry in public. At least I finally did it I told Joe how I feel. I feel a small salty tear run down my face as I walk quickly away from the cafe. "Autumn?" Joe calls after me. I feel like I'm in a scene from a movie. I stop and spin around, looking at Joe just makes it worse and more tears start to fall from my eyes. Joe runs to me and wraps me into a warm hug. I cry against his chest as he gently strokes my hair. "It think we need to talk." He says.