Are we friends or are we more?

Chapter 11

Joe stands in a pair of low slung grey sweatpants and no top. This makes the whole  situation 2 times more awkward and I have to concentrate on not staring. I knew Joe worked out but I didn't know he was that.. muscly.  

"I know you're not expecting me." I panic. "It's just Hamleys want a interview with me and I wanted to tell someone normally I'd tell Harper but she isn't here so instead I ran here I didn't mean to because I know stuff is really awkward between us right now but I was just so excited I also couldn't just of waited for mum and dad to come home but looking back I probably should have." I pause for a breath.

Joe smiles slightly and shakes his head. "You're insane."  Then he steps out the way and opens his door wider so I can step in. I step in smiling but I know my cheeks are bright red. I can't believe I just did that. Joe sits on his bed in the corner and I stand a little awkwardly.

"You are allowed to sit down you know?" He says.

"I know." I say quickly sitting next to him. 

Silence fills the room and it's horrible, I feel like I could choke on it, which is stupid because I don't think anyone has ever chocked on silence. I look down at my feet the hang slightly off the bed and swing them about a little. "So Hamleys want an interview?" Joe asks.

I nod. "Pretty cool huh?"

Joe nods. "That's the giant toy shop right?"

I roll my eyes. "As if you didn't know what Hamleys was, I spent the whole of last year telling you how I think it's be cool to get a job there and."

"If you move to London the first thing you're going to do is apply for a job." Joe finishes my sentence. "I know, I do listen sometimes."

"Sometimes." I joke.

It's silent again and now I can't stop thinking about the kiss. I replay it in my mind but stop myself halfway through. Get your head in the game Autumn, you're not going to get anywhere not talking about it. "So you kissed me."  I finally say.

Joe nods staring into space. "I did." He agrees.

"Which was kind of weird because we don't even go out." I say.

Joe shrugs still not meeting my eyes. I worry that I have said too much, I should of just left it alone. Me and my big mouth. "I didn't know you had to go out with someone to kiss them." He says.

"True, but next time I would like it if it wasn't such a, surprise. Could you give me notice or something?" I say.

"But kisses are supposed to take you by surprise!" Joe defends himself. 

"Well I don't like surprises." I say. "Plus you normally ask someone out after kissing them." My cheeks flame red when I realized what I have just said. Oh my god, I am an idiot.

"Do you want me to ask you out?" Joe asks a little unsure.

"No!" I squeal. "Well, I mean.. it's just... I. Oh god. I don't know." I say burying my head in my hands. 

Joe chuckles gently. "I didn't realize I was that bad." 

"You're not. You're really not." 

"So you do like me?" Joe asks confused.

I take my hands away from my face. "I said that aloud didn't I?" My whole face is burning now and I'm sure I look like a tomato. Why do I have to be so embarrassing?

"You're avoiding my question."  Joe points out.

I sigh. "No Joe, I don't like you in that way." I lie. I wish I could tell him the truth, how I'm scared to get hurt. Joe just sits for a while and I know that he will be working it all out in his head. Joe always is logical about things, he looks at all the facts. "What about you? Do you like me Joe?" I ask.

Joe looks down at his hands. He plays with a green thread bracelet he wears on his wrist. I'm pretty sure it's one I got him in Greece when I went a couple years back. I can't believe he still has it, I'm surprised he hasn't lost it by now. "I don't know." Joe whispers. My heart skips a beat as he says it and I feel guilty for not telling the truth. "I guess part of me has always liked you. There's something about you that drives me crazy." Joe says. "But I guess I always pushed away those feelings because I didn't want to ruin what we already have."

I swallow but my mouth still feels dry and sore. I didn't realize that he felt the same way. I guess I never considered him having feelings for me. If Joe can open up to me I can open up to him.  "I get butterflies in my stomach. That's the worse part, whenever I see you they just kind of go crazy. Then when you touch me, even if it's by accident, you send electricity running through my skin. I've read about it Joe, and heard about it in the movies, but you  know what they say. Life isn't like it is in the movies. So I ignored the the feelings, because to be honest with you that's what I do when I'm scared."

I've been looking at Joe this whole time and he's been looking back. He smiles at me gently before taking a hand to my cheek and brushing my hair behind my ear. The butterflies in my stomach make me feel sick but we hold each others gaze for a while, taking each other in. "I am about to kiss you." Joe said gently. "Just in case you wanted notice." 

I smile. "Notice is good."