Are we friends or are we more?

Chapter 32

It's day 3 of the 5 days I've had to tell people about LA. So far I have told, Joe, my mum and dad, and everyone at drama school. Everyone seems to be really happy and excited for me. Part of me is still waiting for that one person to turn around and say I want you to stay but at the minute no one has. I don't know why I want someone to tell me to stay because now I know my parents support the idea I am definitely going to go. I guess I just want to feel wanted and like someone would miss me. At the minute everyone is just making me feel like they want get rid of me. Today I am meeting with Zoe and Tanya in a coffee shop near Zoe's house. I haven't told them yet but I'm hoping that they are at least pleased for me. I turn into the street were the coffee shop is. The weather today is surprisingly nice, spring is definitely  here and I can tell that summer is on it's way. 

I walk into the coffee shop. It's nice and cool inside, and there is a low mummer of people sat talking. I spot Zoe and Tanya sat on a table near the back. Tanya sees me too, she grins and waves me over.

"Hey." I say as I put my bag down on the table and sit down next to Zoe and across from Tanya.

"Hi." They both say at the same time.

I laugh slightly, "Well that was creepy." 

Tanya smiles, "I think it's just a sign that I've been spending too much time with Zoe."

"Probably." Zoe says nodding. 

"So how are you guys?" I say as I get my purse out of my bag and place my bag on the floor.

"Busy." Zoe sighs, "I have so much going on at the moment, it's not good for my anxiety." 

Zoe has always struggled with panic attacks, I remember the first time I witnessed one, it was actually pretty frightening. Though she has got a lot better over the years I know it will take a long, long time till everything is perfectly normal. "Are they getting bad again?" I ask, concerned for her.

Zoe shrugs, "They were, I guess moving out and stuff has all got to me a bit. I'm starting to get control of them again though." 

I nod before turning to Tanya, "And what about you how is life in the land of Tanya Burr and Jim Chapman."

"Fine thank you." Tanya says smiling, "We are thinking of setting a date for the wedding."

Zoe and I squeal together, I love weddings. "Is it going to be a summer one?" Zoe asks.

Tanya nods, "I hope so, it won't be this summer though. It will be the next."

"I'm excited all ready!" I say clapping my hands and grinning. Tanya is great at organizing things and I'm sure the wedding is going to be amazing. It's weird to think it will be next year, I wonder if I'll be living in LA by then or if I will of moved back to London. I feel really nervous just thinking about it.

"What can I get you?" A elderly lady who owns this cafe says as she takes a notepad out from her pocket.

"A mango smoothie." We all say at the same time which cause us to burst into laughter, it's what we always get when we come to this place, the smoothies here are to die for.

The waitress smiles at us all, "Three mango smoothies coming right up." 

"Thanks." Zoe says and the waitress smiles pockets her notebook and walks off towards the counter. 

"Anyway." Tanya says as the waitress is out of ear shot. "What about you Autumn? What's new?"

I sigh, "What isn't new?" 

"My scarf." Zoe offers waving the colorful material around her neck about. "I've had it for like 2 years now." I smile at her. "No but seriously, what's happening in your world?" Zoe says. 

"Well." I say as I look down at the table, I don't know how to tell them. I haven't really thought this through. "I've got this amazing opportunity."

"Ooooo." Tanya says, "Now this sounds exciting."

"It is." I say, "I've got myself a record deal. The only thing is they want me to move out to LA."

"As in Los Angeles LA?" Zoe squeals and I smile nodding. "As in America Los Angeles LA?" 

"Yes." I say smiling.

"That's great!" Zoe says nearly shouting  and jumping up out of her seat for joy, "That's so amazing." She says.

"Are you going to take it?" Tanya asks from across the table, she looks just as excited as Zoe. 

"I think so." I nod.

"Oh my god that's so cool! Autumns you're going to LA!" Zoe squeals. I squeal back but I'm not really in it because that empty unwanted feeling is back, I know they don't really want to get rid of me but it feels so much like they do. "That is good right?" Zoe stops smiling her face grows with concern, she must of caught my hesitation.

I shrug not wanting to admit to feeling unloved. "It's just so far away." I say.

"You'll be fine." Tanya says, "LA is gorgeous you will love it."

"I know." I say quietly. The waitress comes back and gives us all our smoothies, we all thank her before she walks off again. "It's just so far away from everyone."

"When you say everyone do you mean everyone or do you mean Joe?" Zoe raises an eyebrow at me.

I realize she thinks I'm upset because I will have to leave Joe. Even though I am really sad to leave him at the moment I am more bothered how everyone seems to want to get rid of me. I don't want to have to explain to Zoe and Tanya though, they wouldn't understand. I decided to talk about Joe to cover it up."We've both agreed that we will try long distance." I say taking a sip of my sweet, thick smoothie. "But that idea scares me, it's not like I don't trust Joe it's just..." I try and find the right words but nothing comes to me, "I don't know." I sigh again.

"Look, whatever you do Autumn don't let Joe hold you back or anyone. Opportunities like this don't happen often." Zoe says gently.

Tanya nods, "You'll only regret it when you're older." 

 "I know." I say, "I guess you're right." Talking to Zoe and Tanya normally helps but I don't think they realize that encouraging me to go is just making me feel unwanted even more.