Is there something else you're searching for?
---
I let out a small yawn as I stretch, letting the sunshine hit my face and act as an alarm clock. I look around and notice Jax isn't in bed. I rub my tired eyes and throw my legs over the side of the bed, pushing myself up and letting out another quick yawn. I run a hand through my messy hair and walk out of the bedroom, my silk chamise barely covering my behind. My feet drag on the hardwood as I stumble into the bathroom to brush my teeth and go through my quick morning routine.
The smell of cologne flows through the bathroom as I pick up my toothbrush and add toothpaste, beginning to brush my teeth. After I finish my routine of brushing my teeth and hair, I walk back out to the hallway. I look in the kid's bedrooms and notice that they're empty and that it's eerily quiet in the house. My eyebrows knit together, and panic begins to fill my chest. I quickly walk to the living room and see Jax standing in the kitchen. I walk closer to him and he hands me a cup of tea. "The kids are with Tig." He tells me quietly without making eye contact and I nod, thanking him for my tea.
"Is everything okay?" I ask him, a looming feeling overcomes me.
Jax turns to me, "We need to talk." He says bluntly, and my eyebrows knit together as I shake my head in shock.
"About what?" I say with a slight chuckle and he turns to me, facing me with a cold expression. He tosses my journal towards me and I feel my heart pound in my chest. This isn't good.
"We need to figure out where this is going. I don't want to keep wasting your time and stringing you along. It's not fair to you." I slowly nod, accepting what he's saying. "and I don't want you waiting for something that'll never happen." His voice slightly cracks, and I feel my heart break, knowing where this is going.
I set my mug on the counter and lean on it slightly. "So then, where should this go? What's never going to happen? You leaving Charming? The club?" I clarify and Jax sighs, looking out the window.
"Is there anything you love so much, you'd protect it no matter the cost; the damage it did to you?" He asks me as he continues his gaze out the window. I feel my heart stop in my chest, terrified of where this conversation will end up and feeling myself already getting emotional.
"Of course, our children, you."
Jax's jaw twitches, "That's how I feel about his club. Since I was five, all I've wanted was a Harley and a cut. Change won't happen quick or without blood, but it'll happen. It'll take time, and I need to be the cause for that change and be around for when it happens." He explains to me. "I can't leave the club or Charming anytime soon, hell, I don't know if I'll ever be able to. I'm an okay mechanic with a GED. The only thing I do well is being an outlaw." He lets out a sigh, "I'm not my father, I'm not weak. I won't leave the club when it needs me the most."
I feel myself shuffle in my spot and take a deep breath, doing my best to relax. "What about when we need you? What are we supposed to do? Stay in Charming? Move back home? I don't know what you're asking of me, Jax."
He shakes his head, "I don't know, Al. I'm trying to find balance, you know? The right thing for you guys, the club, but every time I think maybe I'm heading in the right direction, I end up in a place I never even knew could feel this bad. What am I supposed to do? Tell you guys to fuck off and move on without me? Give up my kids and wife for the club? Give up my only secure way of being financially stable and risk not supporting you guys? I'm lost, and I always have been, and I've realized that the more I told you I'd leave the club, the more untrue that became."
I take another deep breath to try and steady myself; feeling my anxiety get the best of me. I know that if Jax asked me to stay in Charming, I probably would. I'd move my life anywhere to be around him; he's my world, and he's the only man I want to be with, who I want to grow old with, but do I compromise my safety? My kids' safety? Do I try and get back with the high school after all these years or do I become a true old lady and sit back while my husband continues being an outlaw? I have more than enough reasons to walk away from this, my marriage with Jax, the club and Charming, but I know I can't, and I know that any good reason will be enough for me to stay and persevere through this.
I feel my breath hitch and tears threatening my eyes as I stand in the kitchen with my husband, facing the truth of our future. "Just give me one good reason to stay." I murmur and Jax looks down at me shocked, not expecting me to say that.
"W-what?"
"Give me a reason to stay. Why should we stay here?" I tell him, tears trickling down my cheeks. "Is this going to be our forever?" Jax has tears of his own forming and he brushes them away as he changes his glance back to the window, not being able to face me while he thinks of how to convince me to stay. "I could list a million reasons why I should leave, why I should run for the hills and forget everything that's happened over the last decade, but I love you too much to have you do this on your own. God damnit, Jax, I was miserable without you, and I can't put anyone through that again. I can't take the kids away from you, I can't make Abel live without you again when he's just gotten comfortable around you again. That's not fair." I sob to him and then he looks over at me, fixing his gaze on me.
"Stay because I'm going to make this work, and I promise you that. This won't be our forever, I won't prioritize the club over you, but I need time. I'll continue with the club, save for a handful of years then I'll retire, and we'll be good. You can find a job here or live off the club, I don't care. I just, I don't want to be without you again, Al." his voice cracks and I move closer to him, wrapping my arms around his torso and holding him closely to me as he stands there and cries. "I keep trying to fill this void and tell myself that I'll be fine if you guys leave, that it's the right thing to do, but I'm selfish, and I know I can't live without you and the kids. You're my world, and I was absolutely crushed without you. I was depressed, I drank all the time, slept with whoever I could to get rid of the pain, and did whatever I could to numb myself, and the fact that you still took me back regardless of what I've put you through, it means the world to me, Al. I love you, and I'm going to do whatever I can to make this work. I promise."
I squeeze him for a second and then break apart, holding up my pinky. "Pinky promise." I tell him, and he chuckles while tears continue to flow as he hooks his pinky with mine.
"I pinky promise, darlin'." He says before pressing a kiss onto my forehead. I look up at him and brush his tears away before running my hand through his hair and resting it on the back of his neck. "Do we want to stay in this house or should we find a new one? Maybe one with more room?"
I raise an eyebrow, "More space for what?" I ask with a chuckle.
"Maybe we can have one more baby down the road, ya' know, if we buy a new house now, we don't have to worry about it later and we can start fresh. New place, new things, we can move all of your shit over and then the kids can have a room of their own. I'm sure they'd like that. They can decorate it and whatever. You can do all your girly shit through the house." He smirks and I smile, my heart pounding in my chest with happiness as butterflies erupt in my belly.
"That sounds like a plan to me, Mr.Teller." I tell him with a smile smeared on my face. He smiles back and picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist as he carries me to the bedroom.
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THIRD BOOK IS OUT BABY!! It's called Million Reasons and the link is here: https://www.wattpad.com/660644504-million-reasons-chapter-1
Comment, favorite- whatever! I want to know how you guys think of this storyline and where you want it to go... Until then... Enjoy this chapter and CH1 of MR!
