you're my hope ~MILEVEN AU~

ix- the struggle

Jane could not wipe the silly grin off her face for the entire weekend, she just replayed every moment in her head on a loop until it felt like her heart would burst. Simply thinking of Mike made her feel like she was on top of a tall building, floating with the clouds, practically part of the sky until she falls off the edge to be caught in the loving embrace of Mike- her safety net. 

But with the happiness, came the fear. The fear that Mike would not always be there to catch her when she fell. 

Jane tried her best to push those thoughts out of her mind, to focus instead on how happy he made her. But it was a constant struggle, a battle with her inner demons that was never going to just go away. But little did she know that Mike would be happy to spend the rest of his life proving to her that he would never give up on her. 

When she saw Mike smile at her the next day in class, staring at her openly from across the room, part of her started to panic. She loved his company so much but was terrified that she would do something wrong or say something that would ruin everything. She had barely any experience with friendship, let alone with a relationship despite the fact that her and Mike had not acknowledged what this entire thing was other than their obvious feelings for each other. There was no label, and that meant that it was fragile. Jane didn't want to ruin the best thing that had happened to her in a long time. 

Mike approached her after class, nodding behind him as he fiddled with the strap of his bag. "AV room?" 

"I-I...uh- actually need to speak to Mr Clarke about something in biology. But I'll see you soon" Jane stuttered helplessly, feeling her stomach come alive with butterflies. 

"Oh! That's okay, is it anything I can help with?" Mike asked softly, reaching out and linking his fingers through hers. Jane stared at their intertwined fingers and felt nervous, unaware of what to do next. This seemed so natural for Mike but Jane was freaking out every single time that she looked at his freckles. 

"Uh-no...thanks, though" she mumbled before taking her hand out of his grip and walking past him. Mike frowned slightly, turning to look at her over his shoulder but her head was down like she was ashamed of herself. 

Get a grip! Jane scolded herself, Stop messing everything up!

Later that day Mike was convinced that something was wrong with Jane. It was back to when she hardly looked at him, she was always flushed and stuttering. Mike hoped that after they had kissed and established their similar feelings that all of this nonsense would stop. But Jane seemed to be running away from him again. 

As she was walking to her next class, Jane felt a tug on her hand and before she could turn her head she was quickly pulled into a dark room. The light switched on and Jane immediately noticed the familiarity of the AV room and a concerned Mike standing in front of her, with his back against the door, arms crossed sternly. 

"Okay...we can't keep doing this. Tell me what is wrong" Mike demanded and Jane's butterflies flew into a frenzy at his demanding voice that was usually so gentle and patient. 

"What do you mean?" she tried to ask but sighed when Mike simply gave her a stern look, raising one eyebrow tiredly. "I'm sorry. I don't know, really. I just keep feeling weird."

"Weird?" Mike frowned, stepping closer, "is everything okay?"

"I don't know how to do this" Jane confessed, covering her face with shame, "I have never liked someone before and had them feel the same and now I just have no idea what to do next..it seems so easy for you and natural but I'm just terrified I am going to do something wrong and ruin it all and-"

She was cut off by Mike's lips, gasping as he carefully guided her so that her back was against the door. She let her eyes flutter shut, forgetting about all of her anxiety and focusing on how he made her feel as he kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling him press her further against the door as he deepened the kiss. 

He pulled apart gently, softly stroking her cheek and looking deep into her eyes. 

"The only thing that will ruin this is you running away from me" Mike sighed, linking their fingers together and resting his forehead on hers as he caught his breath. "It drives me crazy."

"It just seems so easy for you" Jane sighed, her lip quivering slightly. "I have no idea what to do and we aren't even in a relationship."

"Do you want to be in a relationship?" Mike tilted his head innocently. 

"Mike."

"Jane?" he grinned, tugging gently on a curl. "But seriously, I have no idea what I am doing either believe me. But I just go with what feels right."

"I'm sorry that I keep running away" she grumbled, looking down at her feet in shame, "It's a habit. I promise I'll try my best to stop."

Mike smiled softly and kissed her cheek, breathing in the sweet scent of her shampoo. "You can make it up to me..."

She raised an eyebrow and he chuckled. 

"Not like that! I meant by meeting my friends, they want to officially meet you. Please?" Mike pleaded, gesturing to the door that her back was against. 

"In the cafeteria?" she sighed and he nodded hesitantly, pouting slightly. "Fine."

That's how Mike ended up dragging Jane to sit down next to him in the cafeteria, keeping a hand in hers and softly stroking her palm with his thumb to make her relax. Jane was shaking slightly, looking around at everyone eating lunch as if they were all going to point her out. But she found that barely two people spared her a glance, and it made her sigh in relief. Mike smiled reassuringly at her and she smiled at the people in front of her, grinning happily. 

"Hi" she squeaked nervously, "I'm Jane."

"We know" Max grinned cheekily, nudging Mike's shoulder, "Mike never shut up about you."

"Not true, Maxine" Mike rolled his eyes making the others laugh. 

"Hi Jane, I'm Dustin! I like chocolate pudding, and this is Lucas who likes Max-"

"Dustin, shut up!" Lucas cut in sharply.

"What? It's true! And Will who likes drawing" Dustin finished with a cheesy grin and Jane found herself already feeling like she could have somewhere that she belonged. 

Mike squeezed her hand and smiled at how she seemed to calm down, even starting to ask questions about them all. They all seemed to like her and he had a feeling that she would make a great new addition to the party. 

Jane smiled at Mike and the sparkle in his chocolate brown eyes was enough to make her feel like she really did belong. 

xxx

I really like how Jane has developed in just a few short chapters, but her fear of betrayal and not being enough is something that she will have to constantly push past, it does not disappear simply because Mike likes her and I wanted this to be realistic. There is only one chapter left but I hope you guys have enjoyed this story so far!

Let me know your ideas for the ending and your thoughts on this chapter! Don't forget to vote and leave a comment, you guys are so sweet!

~Jodie