ÄGONY

CURSED

To everyone else am normal but they don't know am not. I laugh but deep inside am crying. Am no soothsayer but I think I'm the future I'll face this problems times two. Sometimes I ask myself if am cursed y me. WATS up with the problems day and night what's up with my crying maybe thats how it should be.
I thought I was finally happy I think less now but to my notice am still not happy am still lonely the sadness creeps in. My mood gosh it swings can't remember the last time I smiled or felt inner peace. It's even worst now Cox I don't what's wrong. My heart beats like something Is going to happen. My friends and best friends dont have time for me anymore I think they gave up who wouldn't. My smile has gone into extinction. I try to snap out of this whole shit bhur it's part of me. My days are not only boring but useless now! I look forward to another day. I want to give myself credit for d days I made it when I thought I couldn't but what about the days I don't make it. Am not sunshine I don't even glow am dark. Lol is just a word I use to say to try and tell people oh! man I wish I could laugh.

My body has become a burden for me, my sadness keeps me in one stop it's turning me into a lazy ass.
People think am a sun flower they are attracted to me but actually am a delphinium flower.
My temperament is the weakest. I need a saviour and I need a new me. people say it all depends on me to b happy but they don't know shit! It might but they don't see it like I do they do t know how it's like or feel it like I do. They only assume it's an easy task but it's not for years I've been trying I've failed more than a million times for 8yrs I no am strong I still have hope for a better day but when shall it come oh lord.
   I say am fine when am not I just don't want people to bother but my conscience screams out me like gosh ure a dumb ass but I don't mind. The thing with my disorder is we know what's wrong what's causing our problems. I hate myself so much people think their words get to me but they don't know before they started saying crap or insulting me I did before that's my daily dosage of sadness. Yeah my life is fucked up. People don't no how hard it is to explain what's going on. Terrible days await me.am too sensitive and deep everything gets to me before I even think it's already in my heart getting comfy and am down👇.

    You massage the pain. U try to make it look like it will surpass but again u hit it hard again and again till I scream. Till I lose it. U took the light away from me you cursed me. U made me ugly so no one will ever get close and if they did u make me drive them away u make me say bye to those I love so I can be lonely and murmur my pains to the monster itself