"Evan?" Connor struggled with the word. The boy looked at Connor, smiling softly.
"Hi. Um. I saw you and, and I couldn't just, um, leave you there. You can't die, Connor," the boy in blue said. Connor looked at him inquisitively.
"Why would you do that?! I wanted to fucking die! Why can't you just let me die? Let me disappear like everyone wants!" Connor shouted at him. Connor tangled his fingers in his long hair.
"I wasn't going to, um, let you die because, um, because it would matter if you disappeared. A lot of, um, a lot of people would be sad if you were gone," Evan said, staring at the ground.
"Why not? You said it yourself. 'Would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?' Ring a bell?" Connor said huffily. Evan's face turned bright red. He sat next to Connor.
"You, um, read my letter?"
Connor sighed. "Yeah. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shoved you or said all those awful things. I thought you were trying to make fun of me, just like everyone else in that fucked-up school," Connor said as he balled his hands into fists. He took a deep breath, trying to cool his hot head.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither one really knowing what to say. Connor had invaded Evan's privacy and Evan had just thwarted Connor's attempt at suicide. It wasn't really the kind of situation in which either of them felt like talking. Eventually, though, Connor broke the silence.
"So... what were you doing at the park? I mean, before you shoved your fingers down my throat," Connor said. He was still embarrassed that someone had seen what he was trying to do.
"I, um, had a panic attack. They happen a lot actually. Today's was just, just especially bad. I ran out of school and, um, came here. I figured I would climb a tree or something. Instead I found you..." Evan said, twisting the hem of his shirt between his hands, unwilling to admit what Connor was doing.
"Huh. I guess we both wanted to relieve some stress," Connor said with a wry smile. Evan chuckled, then slapped a hand over his mouth.
"OhmygodIamsosorrythatisnotfunny," Evan said quickly. Connor smiled. Evan was really sweet. He seemed to actually care about Connor.
"No, it's okay. It was kind of funny. Plus, there's no lockers I can shove you into today. Oh yeah, I should probably apologise for that," Connor scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. It um, happens a lot. I'm kind of a..." Evan searched for the word.
"A nerd?" Connor finished.
"I was going to say loser, but nerd works too," Evan said, twisting his shirt between his hands. He still hadn't made eye contact with Connor. Connor held out his arms out invitingly.
"Welcome to the club, then," Connor smiled at Evan. Evan met Connor's eyes inquisitively.
"What do you mean?" Evan said, genuinely confused.
"The loser club. We're both losers," Connor explained.
"No no no. You're not, um, not a loser," Evan shook his head vehemently.
"Yes, yes I am. Or rather, what was it your friend called me? A freak, that's it," Connor said bitterly.
"Jared's not, um, not my friend. He's my family friend. He only talks to me because, because if he doesn't, his mom won't pay for his car insurance. I don't have friends," Evan sad sadly. Connor realized he and Evan had even more in common. Connor had thought before that Evan had at least one friend that he could depend on. Now he learned that Evan had no one. Connor's heart ached for the boy. Connor reached over to Evan, tapping his cast.
"Yes you do. We've been friends since second grade," Connor winked at Evan.
"Yeah. Sure." Evan smiled back at Connor, obviously not taking him seriously.
"No, I mean it. You're an interesting person, Evan. That and the fact that other than you, the only reason people talk to me is because they want to make fun of me or beat me up," Connor said. He really hoped he could trust Evan. Connor was putting himself on a limb by trying to befriend someone. He was taking a gigantic risk, but Connor realized it was because Evan was worth it. Evan seemed to feel the same way.
"Really? You want to be my friend? You aren't just trying to use me or make fun of me?" Evan said, skeptical of Connor's offer. Connor shook his head.
"I won't force you. I know that I'm an idiot who smokes pot and can't control his temper. Only if you want to."
"O-okay," Evan said, his eyes becoming red with tears. "Nobody's wanted to, um, be my friend before." Connor felt tears well up in his eyes as well.
"Me neither."
