The Fake Smile He Wears

Chapter 4

Sorry about this really emotionalish chapter! The majority of this is thoughts of America and everyone else. Sorry if you guys wanted more entries or something. I just wanted to show how each side feel and develop America's character. Also if it seems repetitive, sorry about that. I just write done what I feel or what I'd think he'd feel in this situation. Hope you guys also like the memory. I hope you guys like it.
Memory: hi
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everyone looked at him with varying looks on their faces. America was scared. It was one of the secrets, he hoped wouldn't come out. He quickly got up, jumped over the table, and started running towards the door. Before he could grab the doorknob, China and Japan, stood in front of the door, with a sad look. He sat down, and started hugging himself. Keeping his head in his knees, sobbing. He couldn't bear to look at everyone's faces. He was frightened beyond imaginable. He was scared that they were going to insult him, even more than before. They had already killed all of his self-esteem. Why would he be able to trust that they won't hurt him, again? He knew that it was problem. But, he couldn't help it. Everyday he heard fatty, pig, and chubby. What else was he suppose to do? Nothing? Purging was just the easiest way. It was the quickest way to lose weight. But no one noticed, that his clothes were baggy on him, no one noticed the dark circles under his eyes, no one noticed how tired he was. No one noticed anything. He hid everything, and he was good at it. I mean who can pretend to be happy for 200 plus years? He has Hollywood, so no one wonder he's good at acting. The thing about secrets is that it's incredibly hard to keep them, someone is going to find out, no matter how hard you try to hide it. He hoped to keep it that way, but now, there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. No matter where he went, there was no escape. He just sat there in shame. He peeked out just a little bit to see France, England, and Canada crying. He didn't understand. Why would they worry about him anyways? Didn't they want him to be skinner?

"America take your shirt off now." England said firmly. Usually, someone would laugh by now, but this was no laughing matter.

"No." America defiantly, stated. They can't see. No. No. No!

"Now, or I'll make you. I love you Al please. Just let me see." Canada said desperately. He felt so heartbroken. What kind of brother was he?

"When did anyone here love me? Stop telling me lies. None of you care about me. If, you did then someone would've saved me, by now. None of you noticed, if I was sad, none of you helped me when I needed it. It's always me helping you. It's always about you guys. Why can't it be about me for once? I'm saving all of your asses, and yet no one comes save me. Huh. Guess that's how this messed up cruel world works. You get nothing out of kindness. What kind of family is this? I thought family was suppose to help each other. I guess, I'm not part of the family. I guess I fooled everyone. I can't believe that all of you thought that I would still be happy, after all the bullshit you say about me. Man, you guys are sure delusional. But, I think that you all knew, you just didn't want to accept reality. You guys just wanted to keep your illusions, that you all created. You guys shattered me, and it's as simple as that. You know, I wish I had someone to go to, when I'm sad and depressed. Everyone here has someone to go to when they're sad, like Feliciano. I have no one, like always. But I guess everyone forgets me. I'm just an extra anyways. No one needs me. I'm just something everyone can take their anger out on or laugh at. You all are probably thinking, why I didn't tell you guys? Why would I, even if I yelled it out for the whole world to hear, no ones listening anyways. Why try getting help? No one cares enough anyways. You guys expect me to get up everyday, and be happy, when I'm insulted, harassed and hurt, every single fucking day. Man, are you all so wrong. If, everyone else here is broken, than I'm shattered. I sometimes wish I could stop trying. I mean, why live when no one loves you anyways? Why try, when no cares about your efforts? There's no purpose. I don't even know why I'm even saying all of this. None of you would understand anyways. The closest person, who would kind of understand me, is probably Ivan or Feliciano. If, I could die, I wouldn't even be here." America ranted, quietly, with the most broken look anyone has saw. He showed his shattered, broken heart out to the world to see. To let them know how broken, and shattered he had become. To show them, what they created. At this point, he stopped caring. If, no one cares about him, then why try to be someone he's not? Why tell them more lies anyways? There's no point. He's already rock bottom, so they can't pull him down anymore. They already destroyed him anyways, there's nothing else to destroy. He just hopes they'll save him. Pull him back to the surface. But, he's also scared they'll ridicule him again. They already done it before, who knows how long, until they do it again. How can he trust that they won't do it again? His thoughts were always conflicting, and contradicting. He's thinking one thing, and then the next thing he thinks of, contradicts what he just thought of. His mind was hell for him. And it's hard when you need a break from your own mind, because no matter how hard you try, you can't hide or run away from it.