The Fake Smile He Wears

Chapter 13

Hey you guys, hope you having a great weekend! Sorry about my weird, unnatural writing recently, I've been lost in my thoughts, and it's kind of hard for me to write. So sorry if it's short or just not up to quality, as you know I'm human. My motivation to write is a bit low right now. I'm in more of a drawing mood than a writing one. At least I got into yearbook! I've been reading the manga March comes in like a lion, cause I finished the anime, I would really recommend it, if you like slice of life anime, and emotions. It's not for everyone tho, so remember that! Also I have a cold and sore throat so that's great. There will be historical inaccuracies and I'm sorry about that, also in no way shape or form am I trying to offend anyone. Remember that Japan can't pronounce L right so it ends up sounding like R, so remember to replace any R as L, except when he's thinking. Enough about my excuses, life issues, other anime, and onto the story! #procrastination
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When America was talking to Britannia

The others sat there in a state of shock. There was others? Some knew, while others didn't. All of them know realized that this, was surely not the end. No, far from it. This was only the beginning. America was just the start. Everyone will be revealed, whether they like it or not, the Ancients have great power, greater power than they'll ever have. The Ancients are really powerful, after all. They were all once great empires. Only now did they begin to think that the countries that are so called 'happy', maybe, just maybe, they really aren't at all. They were all holding onto the false hope, that maybe America's the only one. They were quite wrong. They knew, how wrong they were now.

Back to current times＼(^ω^)／

They all sat there searching their brains for something, anything, that would convince America. Anything at all. They needed to right their wrongs, they needed to. They saw Japan put on a small smile, as if trying to convince himself, that everything was going to turn out fine, that everything would be okay. They looked over to America with his lifeless, dull blue eyes, but somehow his eyes seemed so youthful and young. His eyes were darting around the room, landing on each and every person, but only for a few seconds. Japan stood up, as if he finally knew what to say.

"America I wirr say this once more. You are my friend, my best friend. Yes, you may have done bad things, but doesn't everyone else too? Remember everyone does bad things, but what matters is that they admit their mistake and try to fight their wrongs. You did arr of that. You herp fix your mistake, most peopre don't do that. That's the best part about you, you wirr arways own up and right what was wronged. I know that you may think I'm rying to you, but you know that I can't rie. You know that I have a hard time. I'm terring the truth, I promise. Please forgive yourserf." He slowly began to sit down on the ground his eyes darting around, just like America's was. He took a deep breath, and as tears built in his eyes, he began to speak, once more. "I know how hard it is, remember the Nanjing Massacre? I regret that so much. I ask my people, why did they do this? Why? I was too greedy, I saw arr the others conquering and getting new lands, and I thought why couldn't I? I couldn't stop arr of the horrific crimes committed. I was too busy, to rearize what was happening. When I got news of it, I did nothing. Nothing. I didn't even care. I was too power hungry. Only after the war did I rearize the furr gravity of what happened. What I could've prevented. Most people don't know about the massacre. And that just makes me feel worse. That a horrific event I caused, is not remembered as much as it shourd. If onry I stopped it. If onry. If onry I tried harder, I onry I tried harder to remind the people of this horrific event, then maybe, my people would've owned up to their wrong doings, and try to make amends. The tensions between Wang and I, are quite high, and it just hurts. Even, to this day there are those who refuse to aporogize, and deny that it even happened. I hurt Wang so much. I stirr don't forgive myserf, no matter how hard I've tried. I know that Im Yong, won't forgive me. I know that better than anyone. I know how hard it is, trying to forgive yourserf. I've been trying for years and years now.  You're a better person than I am in so may ways, at reast you are able to fix what wrongs you are able to fix. But, me and my peopre, can't do anything at arr. Sometimes I feel rike my efforts, to try and make amends, are so smarr, and meaningress. Wouldn't it be better if we worked together, and work our way to forgiveness? I know that it wirr be a hard journey to get through it arr, but it's easier if there's someone by your side. There are many out there who feel the exact same way, maybe arr of us can go on this journey, this journey to find the one thing we arr want, forgiveness. The ability to forgive ourserves. Many out there don't rearize that, even after those we harmed and hurt, forgive us, sometimes, most of the time, we can't forgive ourserves. And then we're just stuck in this pit of pain and suffering. Trying and trying to forgive ourself, but we know we'rr never succeed on our own. Many know that feering, and many don't. But, in the end we'rr arr know that feering, sooner or later. So Arfred, prease, arrow us to herp you, I'm not asking that you forgive yourserf this instant, I know how hard that is. Just ret us in. Prease. Remember that peopre sometimes make bad choices, but that doesn't mean they're bad peopre, it just means they're human, and everyone always seems to forget that. It's okay to make mistakes, so prease let us herp you." Japan spoke softly, his voice cracked constantly, as he opened up his heart, just like America did. Even though he knew deep inside that America was only opening a section of his hurting, beating heart. He knew that they were only beginning to know the real America. After all this is only the beginning. The beginning of this big plan. This big elaborate plan he could only predict so much of. This may seem like a plan that wasn't thought through very carefully, but that's far from the truth, everything was going according to plan. The Ancients may act like idiots and argue all the time, but they are far wiser than most of the remaining countries. Most. Wang is the last Ancient alive, and that pain he carries gives him the wisdom, the others just don't have. That's why he feels guilty to this day, for betraying him. He gave him that scar, he hurt him, far too much. He hurt his brother. His own brother, like this. He hurt too many times to count. What kind of monster was he? Was this what America thinks like all the time?

America couldn't say anything at all. Nothing. How could he respond to that? His head was lost, he really didn't know what to say, most of the time he did, he could always say something. Always, even if it wasn't that much, there was always something. The worst part is that when he needs to say something the most, he's at a loss for words. No one else in the room could say anything either. America carried so much guilt, how could he walk the path to finding forgiveness? People can't give it to him, he has to find it himself, but how many more years? How many more centuries, till he finds forgiveness? He wish he could find it easier. How could he respond? How? How? How? Japan did this for him. Him. Of all people. He wouldn't have said all of that, he wouldn't have made himself vulnerable like that, if he didn't care. Maybe people really did care. Maybe they weren't lying like he thought they were. Or maybe the others are lying, but Kiku isn't. The others had to be lying, right? Even he doubted his family. His family berated him, lied to him, and hurt him. They all seemed to care, but do they? They could just be keeping up an act. Maybe they're going to return to what they were like before. They didn't care about him, did they? He's been told so many lies and truths, that he couldn't differentiate, he couldn't tell if they really cared or not. He really couldn't. He could see though facades and masks, but he couldn't tell if someone was lying to him, not very well, anyways. It was a weakness he had for quite a long time. A flaw. He had been fooled so many times, too many to count. He had been taken advantaged of by the people he thought were closest and trusted. The people he loved and cared for so dearly would take advantage of him. It happened too often to him. Too often. Each time he found out, his heart would crack and crack like a fragile glass window. His own people took advantage of home before. Everyone has, whether it succeeded or not, they all destroyed his trust. He was too trusting, and that would lead to his downfall, he knew that. At his worse moments he would fear that his own children would rebel and betray just like the war. Just like the Civil War. It already happened once. What if they succeeded? What if? Why did everyone around him betray him? What did he do wrong? He was betrayed  for a reason, but why? What has his family said that was true? Was it all a lie or a truth? What was it? His aching heart, soul, body, and mind, could no longer find the answers he seek. The answers he needed, the answers he wanted. Without an answer he would be lost, lost in a drift. People need to find their answers because without them, how could they continue living? Just like how people try to find their purpose in life, everyone's answers are different, but they answer the important question. He was searching for an answer, any answer. Was his family lying? As he constantly tried and tried to find the answer he needed. He finally realized something, he was never going to find that answer inside his mind. No, he had to find out himself. Some answers can't  be found yourself, sometimes you have to find the answer with the people around you. Sometimes there is no answer at all. He forgot that. He forgot that too many times. He would try finding answers to something, that doesn't have an answer. He sometimes, forget the most simplest of things. He went on this philosophical journey, when all he really wanted to figure out was what to say to Kiku. He really got side tracked. Really side tracked. Good thing it hasn't been too much time. Only been 5 minutes or so. Kiku was staring right at him. As if he knew that he was still thinking. He racked his head for something, anything to say. He finally had a grasp, a grasp of what he needed and should say. He breathed in and out, for a minute. He stood up out of his seat and sat right in front of Kiku, his legs in a criss cross position, his eyes serious and his smile firm, but gentle. He began to speak in the empty, vast, echoey room, that was once filled with so much laughter and joy, now dead silent, and quiet. The words he will say, what will they do?
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Cliffhanger once more! Any questions, or confusion go ahead and ask! Sorry about my crappy ass writing, I would write Alfred's speech, but if I tried it wouldn't be as good if I did it now, so you'll see it next chapter. I know it's quite short compared to some of my other chapters, and I'm extremely sorry about that, but lately I'm in the mood to just read, and draw. Sorry! I'll try to make it up soon. Author-san out! ❤️✌︎