Shattering the Alpha (Book #1)

Mixed Feelings

*NOT EDITED*

I had been walking for quite some time around the territory, but no one seems to have noticed my disappearance. I think the fight I had with Axel, made him want to have some space from me, giving me the best chance to escape. I was able to see a couple of patrol members, most of them nodded their heads to me in acknowledgement. I know it was risky to be seen, but since I have spent some time with Axel and Mason, their scent was on me, which didn't alarm the patrol wolves of any issues they may have with me. Plus, I doubt they know what each pack member looks like, and many people leave territories sometimes to visit other packs or to go hunting. As long as neither Mason nor Axel see me, I will be alright. Nobody other than those two and a couple of cell guards know that I am even on Blood Venom territory. The sign that indicated the Blood Venom territory's border was finally in my line of sight, which gave me enough incentive to sprint my way off his land. The second I am off his land, he has no say in what I do. Even though he remains an alpha, the law doesn't hold me accountable to anything he makes me do. I am free the moment I cross this border. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face nor the pang of guilt that echoed in my chest. But, this bittersweet escape was my only way of getting my life back. Even though I had completely given into the mate bond, he didn't feel this way about me. I've loved my mate before meeting him and loved the idea of having a future with my mate, which meant that I somehow loved him. But I also love myself, and I won't let him treat me any way he likes. I deserve better than that.

I finally crossed the border, and my legs came to a halt. As I looked back, I noticed that my cheeks were wet. I guess I had been crying again. That is it. This is the hard part, and in just a little bit it will be over. I just have to push through and get home, then I can act like this never happened. I could forget the word "mate" and carry on with my life. I had to. I grabbed the sleeve of the shirt Axel had laid out for me and dried my tears. To think that this is what I will remember my mate by along with all the hurtful memories wounded my heart.

I knew I had to keep walking, but I didn't know where to go. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I should just go back. No, just find your way. You can do this! Right, I can do this. One foot in front of the other. I got this.

"And where do you think you are going?" A familiar voice called out. I turned around so fast towards the origin of the sound, I almost gave myself whiplash.

"Mason! Hi, I didn't see you there," I said, desperately trying to change the topic, but my voice cracking from the crying I didn't even realize I was doing. He was still on Blood Venom territory. I knew he technically couldn't do anything to hurt me. But, he was still the Beta of an infamous pack. A pack that is simply transactional and cruel. If someone ever needed help from this pack, it had better be the last resort, because it is equivalent to making a deal with the devil.

"I know you didn't see me, you jumped about ten feet in the air when you heard my voice. So, what are you doing?" he said, leaning against a tree, hands in his pockets.

"I am leaving. Alpha Axel said it is okay." He technically did. I mean, he did order me not-so-gently to get out of his face. I am simply following orders.

"So, he knows that you're here right now? If I mind link him, he will just confirm what you said, right?" Mason was taunting me. I knew it. He wanted me to admit that I ran away. What choice did I have? I had to come clean.

"Don't tell him. It isn't like you can do anything to me right now anyway. I am off Blood Venom territory," I confessed. I thought I was free, but I wasn't expecting this.

"I won't tell him," he said.

"Liar. You tell him everything. You have to. You are his beta."

"I promise, I won't tell him you are here right now. I will only tell him that I caught your scent on our borders when I had back. But, I think you should come back for your sake."

"My sake?" I dubiously ask.

"Have you thought this through at all?"

"Of course, I have thought this through!" I formulated my plan in a whooping 30 seconds, I think sarcastically. What did I not think about, Mason?

"Really? So, what are you going to do now? Are you just going to wander around aimlessly and maybe get to your pack lands without getting killed by rogues?" Okay, he has a point.

"Well, I was going to trust my wolf instincts and get back home."

"Sure, sure" he shrugs off, already knowing that I lack the basic survival skills to last out here, evidenced by the fact that he just killed someone to save my life. 

"What about the fact that you are going to be shifting soon because you finally met your mate? Are you sure you want to leave yourself in that situation alone, with no one to take care of you as the one of the most painful experiences in your life happens? What about the fact that your heat cycle is going to be starting soon? You are mated to an alpha, so all these processes happen quicker for you. Do you really think you should be alone in the woods during your heat surrounded by unmated rogues?" Everything he just said made total sense. Why couldn't I think of any of this, and his slightly condescending tone wasn't helping me resolve my self-guilt. It would have been a disaster if my heat cycle started and I was in the woods. In the span of two days, I have completely and utterly become an idiot. Great.

I was speechless. I couldn't even come up with a sarcastic, witty retort. Did Mason just save my life again?

"You really didn't think about this at all, kid," he continued, "Come on, let's head back. I know you have not had the best time there, but it will get better soon."

"No, I don't want to go back. Please. I finally made it here, I don't want to see him again. I don't think my heart can handle another mean thing he has to say to me. I had the highest expectations of my mate, and every time he opens his mouth to say something, I feel like all my dreams about my mate have been shattered," I whispered, "Can't you take me back to the Mystic Pack?"

"You know I can't do that. I can't be around you when your heat starts. My wolf can't handle that. And as Beta, I can't betray my pack by helping our Luna run away," he stated, giving me a hug because I guess I still haven't stopped crying. Why couldn't Axel be like this?

We started moving back to the main pack lands, and with every step my anxiousness and worry increased. Had Axel found out that I had left? How will he react?

"Mason?"

"Yeah?" he glanced back at me.

"Thanks." He just smiled back, and it wasn't one of those sarcastic smiles he graced me with when we first met. It was a real smile.

"You've changed with me since we first met. You're nice to me now."

"Obviously you haven't changed. You still talk too much."

"Funny, Mason. That's real funny."