Til Death Do Us Part

Work

When I got home around 11:30 pm I thought Levi might be sleeping since he had work tomorrow morning, but nope he was sitting on the couch with a book in hand. "Welcome back babe," he smiled. He stood up and led me to the couch where he told me to wait for him.

"I don't think you've eaten much today so I ordered food. I know it's not much but I thought we could at least eat together since date night was canceled," he suggested and even though my fatigue from 16 hours of work I couldn't help but smile at him and agree. I don't deserve him he's too good to me.

He disappeared into the kitchen and next, I knew I was waking up in bed. I was out of my dirty work clothes and in a comfy pair of sweats and my shirt was gone. There was a pain in my stomach as an alarm was going off. It was Levi's. I sat up and looked at him and he just gave me a sad smile. "What-," I wasn't even able to finish my question.

"When I came back with the food you were sound asleep." He carried me to bed and I didn't even notice man I must have been more tired than I thought. Still, I can't help but feel bad. He went to all that effort and I fell asleep on him. I'm such an ass.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You looked exhausted. It's okay I might get to see you before you have to go into work."

"When do you get off?"

"Around 8."

I just sighed, "I go in at 7."

"Well, we'll work something out okay, don't go feeling guilty," he said placing a kiss on my lips that had already formed a pout. "I'll call you later to remind you to take your meds. Also, your food is in the fridge if you want to eat it later today."

He sounded so loving towards me. Why? I don't deserve this not after what I just did to him. He tried so hard to make it work and I blew it... again. "Sorry."

He just sighed and sat back down on the bed next to me. "I can try and call in sick, I don't know if they'll believe me but you need me here I'll stay?"

"No, no, no, don't waste your sick days because I'm being a little moody." I gave him a big smile. I just hope he didn't realize it was faked. "I'll make it up to you I promise," I gave him a kiss and let him finished getting ready before sitting down for some breakfast. I heated up the food Levi got for me last night. He ordered my favorite, now I feel even worse. The microwave beeped and I carried the food over to the table. When I sat down he set my antidepressants next to me with a glass of water and told me to take them now since I was up. He didn't want to forget to call me later.

When I stopped taking them not only did my depression come back worse than before but I also had to deal with antidepressant discontinuation syndrome which was absolute hell. A week of vomiting, lightheadedness, being pissed off, and tired. God that week lasted months. After he watched me take it he felt a little better. It was embarrassing having to be told and monitored so that I wouldn't skip my meds again. I get it, the incident was enough to tell me that I shouldn't skip them anymore.

After dad died I stopped taking the pills because I just felt like they weren't working anyways, but of course, it would be harder for them to work when grief was overpowering them. After about a month back I got really bad and did something really stupid. I let one of those thoughts get to my head. I stopped blocking them out and listened to one. And because of that, I did something I regretted. I woke up in the hospital that night with Levi standing over me with a look I'll never forget.

I had to go to the psychiatric ward for 24 hours after that so they could make sure that I wasn't a risk to myself or others. The whole time I was there the intrusive thoughts got worse. I didn't need to be in that stupid place, I needed to go home to Levi. After that every day since he's made sure I've taken my meds.