Til Death Do Us Part

The Final Goodbye

I bring my hand up to the door tapping my knuckles on it lightly. I wait a moment. No response. I bring my hand back up tapping a little louder this time. Still nothing. Knocking on the door for the fifth time with no response I feel a chill go down my spine. I took a deep breath and took a step back they said in case of emergencies. I think this counts as an emergency. I ran my fingers across the top of the doorframe. There it is. I pulled down the key and unlocked the door.

He told me at the funeral he wanted to be alone, but being alone after losing someone is never a good idea. Especially, since my brother has never been great about dealing with any sort of negative emotions without, how he says, wanting to hurl himself off a skyscraper. At the funeral, he was avoiding me which wasn't all that strange. What was strange was how he acted. He loved Levi, yet he wasn't crying at times I even caught him smiling. It scared me to imagine what he was thinking about. When he left on his own I couldn't shake the feeling something was very very wrong.

"Eren?" I call out looking around the dark and empty living room. "I know you said you wanted to be alone, but I don't think that's the best idea right now." The room seems eerily quiet. Making my way towards the bedroom I look around the room. Everything seems normal enough, well aside from the lights being off. The closed bathroom door caught my eye and I stop in front of it. This door was never closed unless someone was in there. I brought my hand up to knock on the door.

When I was met with silence I couldn't help but feel this sense of dread. I tried the doorknob and sure enough, it was unlocked. "Eren, I'm coming in," I announce before slowly opening the door.

I could hear the screams before I could even process that I was the one making them. I ran over to him to check his breathing and heart rate with one hand while I pull my phone out with my other. I hear ringing before I even realize I had dialed 911.

"My brother took a whole bunch of pills and he's barely breathing please send help," I cry into the phone. I gave them the address and waited an eternity for them to show up.

Why? Why didn't I come back with him? Why did I let him avoid me? Why didn't I insist on staying by his side? All these questions and they change nothing. He's still here on the floor dying.

The paramedics rush in and before I knew it I'm following them to the ambulance begging them to save him. They let me ride in the ambulance with him and I never let go of his hand even when they pronounced him dead. He never even made it to the hospital.

In the span of a week, I've lost not only my brother in law but also my brother. I thought losing dad was bad. I thought that would be the only loss I'd have to deal with for a while, but life likes to throw curveballs. It doesn't play fair. They both had their whole lives ahead of them and just like that, they are gone too soon.

I can't help but feel guilty for Eren's death. I knew how bad his depression could get. I knew he shouldn't have been alone, but I let him anyways. Before going home I had gone back to Eren's place since I had seen something as I was rushing out the door. There was a note sitting on the table, not like any note I've seen him write. It was a packet of papers.

I walked in the apartment and sat down at the table looking at the top page it said: "read me." So I did. I read all of it, all 36 pages. It had talked about their relationship just before Levi died. It showed Eren's thoughts. I never understood his thought process, but through his writing it finally made sense. Whenever he wrote about me he always made sure to write about me with such love, but he always seemed to think that I would see him as a disappointment.

Never in my life has he disappointed me, I just wish he knew just how much I cared about him. I looked up to him. He was my big brother who helped raise me after mom died. My big brother who always watched out for me. He was the only family I had left. Now, I'm alone. I picked up the stack of papers and took them with me. He wanted someone to remember them, and that is exactly what I will do. I will remember them and their story, their love.

When his funeral came around we laid him in the ground next to Levi. Towards the end of the funeral, I looked up and saw two butterflies come out of nowhere. They seemed to be flying with each other. One was a white color the other was a light blue. They flew right past me and headed towards the sky.

I couldn't help but smile at them knowing. "Goodbye boys, say hi to mom and dad for me." At that very moment, they vanished just before my eyes.