Til Death Do Us Part

Back to Work

The next day was back to work for the both of us. My two days off were through and who knew when the next time we both would be off would be. Levi left before I even woke up leaving a note on the counter. I picked up the paper and read it.

"Eren, shoot me a text after you take your meds I want to make sure you remember to take them. Also, have a good day at work babe hopefully I'll see you tonight before bed~ sincerely your loving husband." After I finished reading the note I got straight to taking my med. I couldn't let Levi down, not again.

I took my meds and sent him a text with a two emojis a pill and a thumbs up. I don't know what it is, but even just the thought of typing out a message seemed like too much effort. It must be really bad today. Maybe it's because I just know we will be in the same rhythm as before. Going all day without seeing each other for more than 5 minutes. When we started living together I thought that meant spending more time with each other, and when we got married I thought that would mean spending my life with him. That just doesn't seem to be the case. It seems I'm spending my life without him which is ironic since I only feel like I'm actually really living when I'm with him.

This morning it was so hard to convince myself to get out of bed, it was even harder to finally make myself hop in the shower and get dressed. It all took so much effort that I couldn't even force myself to make something to eat before leaving for work.

I knew it would come back to bite me in the ass. I was working another double tonight courtesy of the jackass who quit yesterday and refuses to come in to finish his two weeks, on top the guy who got fired a week ago. Our short staff just got shorter and despite the help wanted sign no one is applying.

I can tell how stressed my boss is, and I know it's not her fault that I'm getting scheduled so much, I mean we all are. She's trying so hard, but those dicks are just making her job harder. I'm just hoping more people start applying.

I head into work and go about my shift as normal. Any minute now is all I keep thinking. Any minute now my meds should kick in and my depression should start feeling at least a little better, but it never comes. Which leads me to two separate thoughts. Thought one: my meds that were only half working have suddenly stopped working all together now. Or thought two: my depression is worse than I realize and my meds are helping but it's so bad it feels like they aren't.

Either way, I know one thing for sure... Today is going to be a long day. I should've probably seen a doctor and ask why my meds aren't working as well as before, but then again I just couldn't be bothered. Well, it's not that I couldn't be bothered, but rather that I just couldn't bring myself to make the effort. I hate that that's how I feel because it makes me sound lazy. I'm not lazy, it's just my depression makes me so tired and sucks the life out of me to the point that even breathing seems like a difficult task. It makes doing the most mundane things impossible like showering or even getting out of bed. I don't know how many times I've collapsed because I had just forgotten to feed myself for days at a time.

Honestly, I think that's the real reason that I don't want kids, not that I hate them or that I'm against them, but just that I can't even take care of myself so how could I take care of someone who is too young to take care of themselves.

It makes Levi's life a lot harder too. I mean he shouldn't have to be a babysitter to me. "Eren did you take your meds? Eren did you eat something? Eren are you staying hydrated?" These shouldn't be the constant things he has to ask me. He shouldn't have to feel obligated to as these almost daily.

"Excuse me," I was pulled out of my spiraling thoughts by a small voice. I looked around and there at my bar a young lady had sat down. Oops, how long was she sitting there?