Best + Bitter = Better

Thirty Two days after

(11:57) Jawn: hey, man, you need to come home. I don't know what you did, but Awsten is sat on the floor by the door crying

Something inside him churns at the thought of Awsten crying and it being his fault. He can't quite fathom being the cause of Awsten's tears because throughout the time that he's known Awsten, he has done everything in his power not to upset him. But now, it's his fault and he can't compute that.

So, he's trudging home at midnight. The dark holds possibilities that young Geoff would want to explore, but present Geoff is too heavy for that.

He can see his apartment building and everything seems more real when it's in vision. He slows his steps, he unreservedly dreads going home now. He's seen Awsten cry before and it broke his heart, Geoff can't face it. It takes all his moral compass to stop him from turning and running in the other direction.

He's at his door before he can fully process it. Suddenly aware of the key in his pocket, he waits. Waiting for something he doesn't know is like someone saying 'fun fact' and then not following it up with anything. Painstaking.

His fingers fumble as he extracts the little, metal object. He closes his eyes and pushes the door open. He isn't ready for what he sees.

On the walk, he imagined all kinds of scenarios in his head of coming home. There's some where Awsten is sleeping on the floor and ones where he is crying his eyes out and even ones without Awsten in the living room at all. But reality is scarier and mean.

Awsten is sat on the sofa in the dark. There are tears on his face; they're dry and old. His eyes are directly staring at the door, but the way that they're glazed over suggests he's not noticed Geoff's figure. The room is almost pitch black, the only light sources being the doorway that Geoff hasn't closed and the streetlights from outside the windows. Awsten sits with his elbows on his knees, chin resting on his hands. Fuck.

"Aws?" Geoff's voice breaks. He's too careful in trying to be gentle with the quiet, but his speech shatters it into sharp and jagged pieces.

Awsten jerks his eyes towards the shadowy figure in the doorway. New tears spring to his eyes and his smile is lopsided. He wants to move but is frozen in place.

"Hey, baby." Geoff whispers, slowly shutting the door behind him. He takes careful steps towards the poor boy on his sofa. "I'm here, you're okay." He murmurs, gently kneeling in front of his favourite person in the world. Taking Awsten's hands in his, Geoff mutters more soothing words "I love you so much, okay? Yeah? And I'm really sorry, I should have come home sooner, yeah?"

Awsten is nodding with tears running down his face, so Geoff sits next to him on the sofa and pulls him into his lap. Geoff runs his fingers lovingly through Awsten's hair, continuing to whisper sweet things.

"I'm sorry." Awsten whimpers. "It's just— I—" Awsten can't finish because he bursts into further tears.

Geoff shushes him, protectively resting his chin on the other's head. "It's my fault. I overreacted, Sweetheart, I'm sorry."

"No," Awsten wails quietly. "It's my fault, I should have just gone with you!" Awsten is trying to wipe his face, but there's too many tears and now his hands are just smearing them across his face. "I should have just broken up with him!" He dives his face into Geoff's chest, searching for comfort.

"I know, Honey, but I know that you're in a difficult situation. I was just annoyed, yeah? I just needed some time to think." Geoff tries to make him feel better.

Awsten doesn't say anything else, he doesn't have the energy. He simply sits on Geoff and hopes he doesn't let go.

"Honey, you need to go to bed." Geoff breathes. Awsten makes a sound of agreement, but makes no move to get up. "Come on, Sweetheart." Geoff says as he picks Awsten up and Awsten clings to him like a koala.

Geoff opens the door to Gracie's room. She's sleeping quietly. He moves towards the bed and attempts to silently place him down, but he whines. "Don't leave me."

Apparently, Gracie is a light sleeper because she sits up and scrutinises them, "What're you guys doing?"

"Geoff can't leave." Awsten states, not offering any context.

Geoff rolls his eyes and smiles at Gracie apologetically, "He needs to go to bed, but won't let go of me."

Gracie nods, "Oh," and gets out of bed, taking her pillow with her.

"Where are you goin'?" Geoff wonders aloud. He puts Awsten down on the bed, almost falling on him in the process.

Gracie stops in the doorway, "I'm gonna go sleep on the sofa, so you two can sort your shit out." She goes to leave, but turns back and says, "Night, y'all."

She is met by "night"'s and Geoff calling, "There are blankets in the cupboard by the bookshelf."

Geoff proceeds to shimmy out of his jeans and join Awsten in bed. Awsten immediately clings to his side, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Both of them wish it could be like this every night.

-

"I'm really sorry that I didn't go with you yesterday." Awsten says quietly. He pokes at the cornflakes with his spoon. Even though the volume isn't great, Geoff knows he is sincere.

"I know, it's okay. I'm sorry I over reacted. I just— it's hard seeing you two together when it should be us, y'know?" Geoff admits. It's odd being vulnerable. He hates it.

Awsten nods along. "I'm going to break up with him." Awsten states forcefully.

Geoff looks at him and shakes his head with sadness in his eyes, "You keep saying that, but when?" Geoff sighs, taking his bowl to the sink.

Awsten's eyes follow Geoff as he leaves the kitchen to join Jawn and Gracie on the sofa. His heart follows him, but his body doesn't. He sits facing his cereal and listens to the laughter coming from the living room.