SHAME.TYSH

NUMB

november 29th, 2017.

+++

Tyler takes off his red beanie and sighs. He doesn't feel any better, but he's going to have to feel better sometime. Especially when Josh keeps asking him, when Josh keeps telling him he should be happy and life isn't as bad as he thinks.

Josh is good, he really is, they're in love after all. But sometimes, Josh just doesn't get it, he doesn't understand that Tyler just can't feel better in an instant like him. Tyler doesn't know why he's always sad, why he can't catch a break anymore.

He used to be happy, he was. But for some reason, for absolutely no reason at all, Tyler stopped. He got lazier and lazier, stopped caring about everything he liked, he was just... numb. Neutral. He never knew how to feel after that, he kept trying to be happy again, it clearly never happened. Clearly.

He was too young then, but here he is at sixteen years old. He knows more, he fakes being happy just to put a smile on Josh and his parents' faces. Sometimes he can't do it.

He waits for Josh on the bench in front of the school. He sits there and wishes he could be better for him, he deserves better. Josh smiles when he sees Tyler waiting for him like he always is. Tyler tries to smile back.

"Do you feel better now, Ty?"

"Do I have a choice?"