I DON'T KNOW YOU

21.) stop

• F U N N E H •

     "I'll choose to stay," I agreed, nodding my head, "I've ditched them so many times. And I don't want them to get hurt. But be careful, guys."

    "We will," the three of them said on the other line, "we're part of the Krew, remember? We'll always be fine."

"Just be safe and we'll see you soon," Gold added and I nodded in agreement.

I hung up and bit my lip. Immediately, I started to doubt my decision. I fiddled with my fingers and toyed with my hair as Gold and I walked back to the Gang.

"Funneh, don't be nervous," Gold assures, "they'll be okay. And if something happens, we'll be there to help."

"But people aren't always there," I bit my lip, muttering underneath my breath.

I guess it was because of my parents, but I was scared and I had developed a fear of the unknown. But I handled my fear differently; I wouldn't cower from it, I would venture into it.

When my parents started becoming more busy, there was no time for a whole family moment. It was always work, work, work. I mean, yeah, at first we would spend time together. But then the workloads became overbearing, pushing me out of the picture.

Before I met the Krew —who were my saviors from isolation and loneliness— I was troubled. I would act out and never behaved. I just wanted to be noticed by my parents again and get any attention I could, good or bad.

By the time I had met Gold, I was starting to leave that phase behind. I had given up hope that our lives would ever return to normal.

Gold was one of my first real friends.

We moved a lot and that meant I never got to stay in touch with any friends I made. And when I did get to, I found out they were nothing but fake. And I left them behind for the better.

It was like I was drowning in this awful ocean of loneliness and sadness, everyday I would let the feeling of being ignored overwhelm me. I wanted it to stop. But I didn't have a way to get it to do that. I just had to live with it.

But I had no one there for me either.

I remembered I would spend nights in my room crying, wishing they were there with me when the storms would come. I remembered when I would wake up from a nightmare and realize I had no one there for me. I had no one.

I was all alone.

And sometimes, it felt like I would always be alone.

I had to learn to take care of myself after they stopped hiring a nanny. I had run so many off during my phase of being a troubled kid that they figured I just shouldn't have one. But that wasn't until I was twelve.

The day I met Gold, they were there. It was the one week they took off every year, that very day being the last one of their break.

Maybe that was why I treated the Krew like my family, because deep down, they basically were. They would be there for me when I fell down, when I rose up, when I laughed, when I cried, everything after the time we had grown together.

    They were the ones that pulled me out from under, from the waves of sorrow and despair I was trapped in. I felt myself sinking and lonely, my pleads acting as my boulder to drown me.

     But it was them that rescued me. It was them who grabbed my arm and yanked me out, resurrecting me above the water and in the air. They would never let me drown. Their words and actions, their bond and friendship acted as this bandaid I used on myself to cover the scars of what had hurt.