I DON'T KNOW YOU

26.) trust yourself

"I drag myself out of nightmares and find there's no relief in waking," -Finnick Odair

•-/•\-•

• F U N N E H •

I jolted awake with a cold sweat running down my forehead. A gasp escaped my lips, sitting up and using my forearms to hold up my body. I blinked and shook my head, coughing from the sudden and abrupt actions.

My nose and eyes stung, burning as I sniffled. I held up my left hand and wiggled my fingers around, staring at them as if they were some foreign thing. At the moment, I was still dazed from the awakening and I breathed slowly to calm my racing heart.

"Funneh?" Rainbow's tired voice inquired, her own self sitting up to look at me, "what's wrong?"

"Yeah, you act like you were drowning," Gold frowned, sitting up, "What happened?"

"Nightmares," I replied, rubbing my eyes, "but not really at the same time. They were.... memories, like, flashbacks. Some of them were happy. But then they started to get more sad and started playing the old ones that I don't like to remember."

"What do you mean?" Draco inquired, sitting up and crossed his legs, "what bad memories?"

"The ones like my thirteenth birthday, when my parents didn't call me to wish me one. Or the first time they left and how they said they'd never leave again once they got back. Or when I pushed myself past healthy limits of lessons to impress them," I explained, shuddering, "I hated those lessons."

"Oh, Funneh, you're crying," Rainbow whispered, scooting forward to point at my apparently red and teary eyes.

"What? I was crying in my sleep?" I inquired, rubbing my eyes with the palm of my gloves hands, "no wonder my eyes burn."

"Was it that bad?" Gold asked, crawling over to beside me as Rainbow hugged me in comfort to which I did embrace.

"It's not that it's so bad to see, it's just that it hurts to relive. Yeah, I've moved past that phase but to think of all those times again, it just stings. Like a scar; they fade, but they leave a mark," I murmured, letting go of Rainbow to end the hug.

"If you want to talk about it, you can. We already said you don't have to bottle up your feelings—" I cut off Gold's words.

"I didn't 'bottle up' my feelings, guys. I just.... compressed them. There's a difference. Besides, I have to learn to let it go," I sighed, "but I am a little scared. I just want to know my parents are okay."

"And they probably are. You're the product of your parents, and if they're anything like you, I'm sure they're fine. Right, guys?" Rainbow assured.

I smiled bitterly. "Maybe. Maybe you're right, Rainbow. I mean, what's really the worst that could happen?"

"I mean, they could spontaneously combust," Lunar shrugged, sitting up after awaking from her slumber.

"Lunar!" Gold exclaimed as we all laughed, smacking Lunar on her arm, "that's not funny!"

"You're right, that wasn't funny," Lunar paused, then pointed to me, "that's Funneh."

"How dare you make a pun out of my name," I gasped, clenching my heart, "the only one who's allowed to make bad puns is Rainbow."

"Yeah, I am—wait, hey! My puns are hilarious!" Rainbow defended, crossing her arms.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that. Whatever floats your boat," I giggled, covering my mouth as Rainbow put on a jokingly offended expression, "okay, now I feel bad. I'm sorry, Rainbow."