♡Under my Umbrella♡ | -A Zane~Chan story-

ღChapter 11: Nana Ashida ღ

December 2nd 2004

A Saturday morning..

The sun is shining brightly, the clouds are as white as snow.

23 Days till Christmas, the 'most wonderful time of the year.'

That's not a fact.

No, no. That's just an opinion

Christmas was certainly not the most wonderful time of the year for Nana Ashida, me.

In fact, it was the more miserable time of the year. It was the time in which families come together and spend time with one another.

Similar to Thanksgiving, which is also not personally my favorite.

I beg and beg to share those memorable times that others do with my family of 24 members.

Yes, 24, a burden right? Eleven brothers and sisters..and my two parents who I dare not to speak of their names.

Oh how I wished to have drank hot cocoa with friends or family in the past years. To roast marshmallows on an open, burning fire.

Instead I'd do it in isolation. I'd start a fire and stare at it with rage. The reflection of red, orange, and yellow flames was borne in my amber eyes.

But, all I had to do was blink. And it'd all be gone in a snap.

Sounds easy to get rid of such horrid sight right?

It wasn't. It was rather difficult to close my eyes when I wanted more. I wanted to let loose my rage. I wanted to talk to them and give them a piece of my mind.

But I knew I couldn't do that.

So all I would do is bare.

As I get out of my bed, I walk into the living room and glance at our beautiful, evergreen conifer Christmas tree.

It was decorated nicely and elegantly.

A tear fell at the sight of it. How could a damn tree make me so emotional? It was just a tree after all.

But it wasn't just a tree to me. It was a sign of hope.

Hope that one day your dreams come true.

Hope that one day, your family acknowledges who you are.

One day, that you succeed more than your siblings. Be the greatest of them all.

And prove your parents wrong.

The green evergreen represents hope.

The ornaments surrounding it represents your attempts to achieve the spark of hope.

The lights that flick off is when you doubt and when it flicks on, it's when you see more opportunities.

The star is what you want. It's the endgame. It's where all my wishes are stored, hoping that one day it comes true.

"Mama! Mama! Kiraya got engaged!" my younger sister said.

"That's wonderful darling. Next time tell me something that I'm well unaware of okay?" my mama said with a bright smile.

She looked at me

"Nana, aren't you happy for your sister Kiraya? She will soon get married and live a happy life. Don't you wish that will happen to you some day?" she said

"Of course. Who wouldn't desire for a life like that?" I responded.

She frowned.

"It seems you don't. If you truly desired for a life like that, you would show that you're more unique than other useless women. Be the star in a crowd of nobodies. Be the island, surrounded by the ocean. Kiraya got a wealthy man to notice her, so why can't you? Instead, you fail in your classes and your never proven worthy in the eyes of your father and guardians!" she shouted.

That's my mom for you. This was only the least of her though.

I was only 12 years old and she speaks of marriage? I was in grade school for crying out loud!

Well it makes sense. I was a mature 12 year old.

...

As I grew older, my family become more corrupt in their hideous mindset.

They punished me for my wrongs.

My siblings were just bystanders of my constant torment.

It was more mental abuse then physical.

Mentally broken and physically bruised.

It wasn't them who hit me, it was me.

At this point,

It was the Christmas tree that was burning with fire and rage.

The leaves were burnt.

And the stems, broken.

The star cracked.

The ornaments shattered into pieces and showed pixie dust flowing outside of it.

The lights were not on anymore.

What's the point of living..if you're not living towards a life you desire? If you know your life will be terrible, and you won't succeed. What's the point?

I asked myself as I stood upon the balcony looking into the rain and night sky.

Then I remembered the Christmas tree on that Saturday morning. A sign of hope.

That's all I had to do. I needed to add one more ornament ( attempt ).

Just one more. Create someone new. Someone who everyone will love and adore and cherish.

Someone who's unique, caring, hopeful, and will never doubt herself.

A hero and princess, Kawaii~Cookie. A female heroine who I always looked up to. She matched all these traits.

I turned back.

Kawaii~Cookie,

"I want to be just like you."