Deserae

Chapter 4

"Madam!" I cried, banging against the glass door until I thought it was going to break. My voice is gone from the countless hours I've been out here screaming for her to come back for me, but I can't stay out here. Not in the storm, with thunder booming over head and lightning shining in the sky.

The rain is soaking me through my loose grey shirt, chilling me to the bone. My jeans are ripped to shreds over years of wear and miscare, so they're no help either. The only protection I have is the balcony edge where the lip of the railing allows me to crouch beneath it.

I stayed there for a little while, just looking down over the side of the balcony and down where my death could start. I thought about jumping for a little while. Just ending it all and making this horrible nightmare end once and for all. But then I thought about why Luna would have done something like this.

Luna doesn't mistreat me like any other Wolf has. She doesn't kick me around and make fun of my fangs or need for blood. She doesn't make me do vulgar things then call me a slut and slap me around when I deny her accusations of me 'liking it'. She's not like every other Wolf out there.

She's worse.

She locks me outside in a horrible storm after I told her that I would never think of hurting her. I said that I was never going to hurt her in the way that those other Vampires hurt her. I told her that I was better than that, and I was going to keep myself together despite the constant burning in my throat.

But did she care? No. She couldn't care less about me. Luna wants nothing more than to with me suffer and watch me writhe in pain below her. So why not just make her happy and go ahead and kill myself?

I shook horribly for a moment, feeling a sudden wave of cold against. When my little episode was over I crawled to one of the gaps between the pillars holding up the stone railing. I pressed my back against the wall and hugged my knees to my chest, then wiped the tears and rain out of my eyes and closed them tightly. I put my head on my knees and dug my nails into my arms as I cried.

Why am I so pathetic? Vampires aren't used as pets because we can't be easily controlled. We're too strong for our owners to restrain us so most people just don't bother with it. And Vampires aren't submissive, so there's no way a normal one would want to be dominated by another creature.

Vampires hate the thought of anyone being greater than us. We pride ourselves on being the strongest, the most cunning, the most beautiful. So why did I get selected by a Wolf of all fatedamn things?

And how could she hate me so much? We barely know each other and I thought she was going to kill me once already, then left me alone with the option to off myself. I thought Wolves were kind. I'm a Vampire, so obviously they all treat me like a freak and make fun of me. But a Human would have ripped out my fangs or a Demon would have cut me until I bled out.

But she hasn't done any of that, honestly, the only thing she did was throw me outside. If she didn't make me sleep out here, then she hasn't been cruel compared to the standards of a Demon. Maybe I could just be more compliant and submissive, then she might treat me like the obedient pet I'm trying to be.

Though, heaven knows that she'll just starve me to death anyways. She'll force me to attack her out of hunger. She'll make my true hunter come out and I'll end up hurting her, maybe even killing her.

Do I...do I feel bad about it? Do I feel guilty about thinking of attacking that...that witch? The woman who gave me no alternative except death or enslavement. I can't decide which is worse at this point. Death and I have no hope for saving my family, enslavement and there's no hope for saving myself.

But I thought I could be good, I thought I would be able to obey her until she trusted me. Then she would let me protect the people I love and everything would work out. My whole, horrible life would have been worth it.