Deserae

Chapter 9

There’s a part of me that wants to give up. To just stay here in this empty space and let the world go on without me. My family would be okay, right? They’ve survived for this long, but who knows, they may be dead already. I’ve been assuming this whole time that my family is alive and well, when really, they could have been dead long before I was even brought into slavery.

What would happen if I just gave up? I feel like I’m dying now, I can’t see, hear, or feel anything, so this must be what death is like. Altho, because I keep contemplating it, I’m assuming I’m on the edge of life and death. I feel like I still have a choice and my fate isn’t yet decided.

But maybe this is what the afterlife is like? Maybe it’s not the one year living among the world without hunger or thirst like I thought it was. Maybe it’s just nothing.

No, there has to be something on the other side. It can’t just be an empty black void filled with nothing but my own depressing thoughts. There has to be something past this limbo. Like a city or other people, maybe it’s an open peaceful field with wildflowers and birds chirping, maybe even my Lun-

“Deserae?”

Deserae? Someone’s calling my name? I know the voice but I can’t place it, perhaps it’s because all of my senses are clouded.

“Deserae?” the voice is louder than before. It’s almost like the person is yelling at me instead of asking me my name. Why would they be asking me my name? I obviously know who I am.

“Deserae!” they yelled again. And again, and again, and again. I can feel a bit of shaking whenever the person’s yelling at me. It must be because I’m on the verge of life and death and they’re trying to pull me back to the living.

But do I want to go with them or could I just stay here forever? For once in my life I’m not thirsty, and there isn’t a burning sensation in the pit of my gut anymore. The headache that always pleagues me is gone and I’m finally able to think clearly.

Now that I can think for myself, I should debate going back to Luna and submitting to her all over again. I don’t want to be her toy anymore. I want to be able to do things for myself and have my own opinions. I want to be able and leave the castle whenever I get bored of staying in there and I want to be independent of her sometimes.

I don’t hate her though. Even though I think I should. There’s a part of me that knows her anger towards me is coming from something and I don’t want to fight back without knowing her struggles too. I know Vampire’s attacked her and that she hates them for it, but I feel like there’s something else too.

Maybe I should hate her. And maybe leaving her the second I get the chance is the right thing to do. But I can’t help but want to delay the inevitable and get to know what I can do to help her. She needs to understand that not all Vampire’s are ruthless and cruel, and that we can be considerate of other creatures too.

When the person yelled my name again, I followed it. Imagining that I was floating in the direction of the sound and that I could nearly touch it. The louder it got I knew the closer I was, so I continued to follow the sounds deeper in the black space until I felt like the person was right next to me.

I feel warmth again, the sensation of it is all over my body. I can almost see what’s going on around me but the image is still blurry, but thankfully I can see something now. I can also hear the person talking and… crying? It sounds like there’s heavy breathing and sobbing beside me.

Who would be crying for me? No one in this castle likes me, not even the kitchen staff that offer to smuggle me food when Luna is away. I always refuse for fear of being caught, but I don’t even think they would cry for me if I was dying.