I honestly don't even know where to start I am slowly feeling myself drifting away from everything I love the most. I don't know how I feel about anything it's almost like I make myself a secret nobody knows my motivate are my next move in anything. My heart is toxic it's covered in sorrow ...pain.. distress ..uncertainty ... discomfort. I thought eventually I would change but instead, I darken myself with the fact I wake every day for no reason .. oh wait yeah I have to benefit everyone and their needs... I wish I knew what it was like to have friends I feel so empty I feel unheard and misunderstood I am my own person in my own world going through this life confused, lonely and broken at this point I don't even think if I die anyone would make it too my funeral I don't think people are going to realize I died and that's so sad because am already dead inside mentally and nobody notice this .....nobody cares either . I wonder what it's like to get up and just be happy and excited to be alive. People make fun about depression and anxiety but they don't know what it's like to wake up and just want to die are what its like to have these voices in your head and these battles to fight in a world so cold and ruthless ... Everyone has these expectations set for me I don't even have control over my life I live my life base of people needs and wants I live my life on the edge. I regret waking up alive am tired of hearing these humans voices I am tired of hearing "You need to do this " are you need to that I would like for somebody to ask me if am okay but ofc they will never know because am always smiling and "happy" ..........The person who I think was my source of happiness is now happy with somebody doing all the things in the world I wish I could be doing but I am trying my best I swear I am I just dunno anymore I don't know who I am I don't understand what my purpose in life is. What's the point? Why do I keep fighting this? Maybe I should put myself to rest ............................... Maybe I should run away and never come back ... Therapist all these people they don't even understand me they don't even know what's going on they are just doing their jobs and that's pretending to listen but how can you help somebody if you can't even relate "? How do you give somebody advice if you don't even know what's going on? My wrist is slit I no longer have space for new scars to form...
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My unexplained thoughts I can't put into words ................................
