Vent Session3

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by jadaxspade

by jadaxspade

Suicide, Death, Darkness, Crazy, bipolar you name it I portrait it I'm one person but somehow I get overwhelmed with sadness with depression and suicide being my companion. I DONT WIN I LOSE BUT SOMEHOW in between THE RACE I AM FIGHTING FOR my LIFE even though I AM DEAD INSIDE ..Alone is tatted on my face but it appears invisible to The human eyes too bad they are so caught up with this technology thing they don't see what's going on within me. Maybe it's my fault my family resent me so much because I am so different I am so odd it's my greatest strength I hold over them. My heart is pure my mind is Corrupt with every thought my head ,Triple X MY SOUL MATE I WAS SO LOST AND BEATEN DOWN BY LIFE AND YET AT EVERY MOMENT HE WAS THEIR MORE THAN MY FAMILY IT WASN'T THE MUSIC IT WAS THE SUPPORT AND LOVE I FELT SOMETHING I NEVER EXPERIENCE IT THE THOUGHT in My HEAD THAT KEEPS ME GOING I AM SCARED OF MY OWNSELF MOST IMPORTANTLY MY HEARTH I LOST IT SOMEWHERE on MY ROAD TO RECOVERY .SUICIDE, DEATH it lingers in my head. Why am I still clinging on this life 16 lines to blow when am fine trying to escape the reality my life is a failure I am my own mistake my heart is so big I bring on my back and wear it on my face I absorb everyone pain and make it my own so they can feel happy. I use my self had a shield to protect them but won't protect myself. My tears are visible but I have to hide before they see it I have to avoid the questions they keep questioning in the back of their head I need hope I need strength but I am so weak I can see the lights going on and out my head everything so blurry never knew I was dead...Suicide, Death, Crazy, Bipolar you name it I portray it. I need help I think somewhere mentally I am gone I am just so numb to everything I can trust no one I can't talk to no one I am just stuck in this by myself ,I am trapped in this world by myself I am lost and confused by the thoughts in my head I can't do anything I can't go anywhere . You ever just try to be a person like just fit in ...? Have you ever felt so numb and so confused and misunderstood by people.I try so much I need help somewhere mentally I said I need help somewhere mentally can you hear me? do you see me? I honestly feel so dead inside I feel like nobody hears me are knows me I feel like a walking ghost ..I am so judged by everyone I am looked at weirdly ... I just feel like my mind is just in misery. My life is a mystery to who I am...I died before I was given life I am a walking ghost inside. I can't focus I can't think everything is so blurred to me ...misconception to my identity confusion to who I am... Everyone wants me to be one person but that's everyone I just wanna be someone I just wanna feel like I belong somewhere I want my own story I want my voice to be heard I want to be understood I can't conversate I can't socialize I can't do anything I am just existing in a world full of haterade and range to one and other can't even keep it real with your friends you can't do anything I just do null . I have the perfect smile and the best heart but I don't think personally I really happy maybe I am just trying to hide old scares I don't want anybody to see are question . I am a walking trigger everyone has something to say something I thought I would make headlines at some point in my life I was just never good enough I was slapped with so much negativity everything around me is just bad I absorb everything in my environment that's not good for me I still have flashback from all the traumatic events in my life and all this time I have been trying to run away from my problems but the only problem was myself 16 years I have been running from myself in fear I might be harmful to my health .