Welcome to my mind and deep concepts on life 💤💔.

PAIN

I co-exist  in a reality I didn't dream of ...I didn't want to belong to it I knew it exists but I didn't want to play apart of it ,  some how I am held captive in it . I am no longer pure ...I am now living  with myself base on "what if" .I start questioning my intuition I start question my surrounding .How do you cope in a world where innocent kids grow up and become victims of abuse .How do process the painful death of innocent civilians. It's like I am here but I am not here because I still helped captive in my mind mentally trying to process how I can escape this reality ,How can I fight my depression how can I get over this illness I have in my head that's now my reality . I want to be great I want everyone to be successful but everyone outside my bubble seem to want bad and their  infectious disease keeps spreading and affecting people lives . I am trying to cope I just I don't know anymore . I want to leave this world and the only way out is suicide ....I just want everyone to be happy and I can't have that ....they can't have that ... People commit suicide has a way to escape what ever that's going on inside mentally and when they leave it only make it okay for somebody else that's suffering silent to think it's away of escaping and there is people like me that put the bullet to my head and stop ,People like me that over dose ..constantly cutting themselves to find a easier way out , a way to deal with all the pain and even then I am still here after numerous attempts .I feel sick the way people look at me and view me has a person , The judgment they cast on me because I am not understood by them ...I feel like I am shielding everyone from sadness ,depression ,suicide and all of that and just consuming their pain so they can't get affected while I infect myself to save them but I can't hold it anymore it's too much and I am think I am the end ....The light ....