Dare To Love

27 - One-Quarter Gay

Couldn't they just not talk about it? Louis couldn't help the thought as he stood outside the door to Niall's room. He knew he needed to talk to Niall and tell him about it, but he didn't want to. Not about this. Not after watching his face morph into complete and utter shock the day before.

Still, Louis took a breath and raised his hand, knocking and tensely waiting when he heard movement inside.

"Oh," Niall said when he opened the door, and just the fact that he wasn't greeting Louis with a bright smile like he usually would made Louis shutter. It had him internally wincing and forcing himself not to turn around and go home, putting this conversation off for another day. "Hi."

"Can I come in?" Louis asked, feeling a little better when Niall offered a tentative smile as he stepped aside to let him pass. "I need to talk to you about something."

Stepping into Niall's room and closing the door as the Irish-man flopped dramatically on his bed with a groan, Louis stood with his hands in his pockets. "So," Niall said, sitting down on his bed and gesturing to his desk chair.

"So," Louis repeated, nodding slowly and avoiding Niall's eyes at all cost.

"Sorry about yesterday," his voice was sincere and even tinged with a bit of guilt and that, for some reason, made Louis feel the slightest bit better. "I didn't mean to, um, walk in. I was just looking for Harry, and you both weren't answering your phones and then I went to ask you if you'd seen him and then I—well, you know."

Louis sunk down onto the chair, he chose to ignore the heat in his own cheeks and the flush of Niall's face at the mention of what he'd seen. "It's—" Louis started, not sure how to finish that sentence. "It's okay. You didn't know."

Niall stared at him, blue eyes unsure, and Louis hated to think that there was a chance that that trepidation would always be there.

"Are you—" Niall hesitantly asked, and Louis raised his eyebrows, waiting for his friend to finish his thought. He didn't want to risk assuming, and answering the wrong thing. Shifting uncomfortably, Niall cleared his throat before speaking again. "Do you like guys?"

A bolt of anxiety shot through him, buzzing in every cell of his body. Louis shrugged, even though Niall wasn't looking at him. "Are you really asking me if I'm gay?" Louis asked, confused considering what Niall had walked in on, and trying not to let his nervousness show.

Niall nodded sheepishly. "I mean, if you like guys or if you're just certain percent of gay," Niall explained, shrugging and looking like he was afraid Louis was going to scoff at him.

Letting the nerves flood over, Louis let out an exaggerated groan. "Gayness isn't measured in percentages, Niall."

"Well, it is now," Niall chuckled nervously and Louis could sense the smile on his face. It was nice that Niall was trying to relieve some tension in the room by telling jokes. "I'm one-hundred percent Irish, and you're one-quarter gay."

Louis hadn't thought of it that way, though it made sense that Niall had wondered since he hadn't given any visible signs that he was ever interested in men, and now he had to say it when he'd done everything imaginable to keep his attraction to men a secret from everyone he'd ever known. Even to himself.

His gaze stuck on the little piece of fuzz next to Niall's foot for a few minutes, but Louis forced himself to look up and finally meet Niall's eyes. He could do this. He would do this. He was going to stubbornly own this with as much energy as he'd put into denying it before.

"I'm," Louis started, swallowing and trying to get the word unstuck from the roof of his mouth. "Gay. I'm one-hundred percent gay."

Silence settled between them as Niall absorbed the news, and Louis couldn't look at him. He didn't want to look when the blond's face would shift in disgust, he didn't want to see when he'd look at him like he was a completely different person. But, when he rose his eyes to meet Niall's, there was none of that.