Friends?

31

Day after day everything got worse. I sunk even more into my depression. I spent less time talking and laughing and just spent it in my room leaving occasionally when I knew I was going to cry to loud for Jahseh not to notice. I tried to hide my emotions from Jahseh because he shouldn't have to deal with me, he already has enough to deal with.

  Everything felt so heavy and I felt so distant. I started to feel trapped and alone, like I didn't exist in the same way everyone else did; like there was a glass wall between me and everyone else separating our worlds. I couldn't talk to anyone, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep but at the same time I couldn't stay awake. I slept only to escape my feelings but my thoughts still kept me awake and on the edge.

  I think my sanity has left me because I don't even feel like I'm alive, the only thing I can feel is a heavy weight on my chest. I constantly feel like I'm gonna throw up but at the same time I don't. It feels like guilt but that times ten and the only guilt I have is for living and doing what I've done and living the way I am. I haven't actually done anything to anyone but at the same time by me just being the way I am, I have done something if that even makes sense. The thing that I've done, or what I haven't done was save me son, I didn't save my son, instead of making sure my family was safe I escaped so I guess I did actually do something, I got my son killed.

  My emotions feel so conflicted but one thing is definite, I'm not okay.

"Rose?" Someone says touching my shoulder.

"Huh?" I ask.

"I've been trying to get your attention for 2 minutes now," Jahseh says.

"Oh...sorry," I apologize.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Huh? Oh yeah," I say processing what he said after a minute.

"No your not," he says making a judgment based off of the way I answered.

"I'm ok, you shouldn't worry about me," I say.

"Oh ok, I'm gonna go to the store," he says and leaves.

"Bye..." I mumble but he's already closed the door.

I just sit on the couch blankly staring at the tv, not actually watching though. I just feel numb, I can't even really think, I just sit here doing nothing, thinking nothing, staring at nothing, and being nothing.

I don't realize it but I sat there for two hours. I get a call and without looking I pick it up.

"Hello?" I say.

"Open the door," Jah says.

I don't question it and go open the front door. He walks in with a box in his hands.

"I thought you were going to the store?" I ask.

"Didn't say what kind of store," he says putting the box on the floor.

I look down at the open box and see something moving around.

"Open the box," Jah instructs.

I open the box and see a tiny little puppy.

"Oh my god!" I yell picking up the small golden retriever.

"Whats his name?" I say while playing with the puppy.

"His name is Sora," Jah responds.

"Hello baby Sora," I say in a baby voice.

Jahseh just smiles widely while looking at me with the puppy.

"What?" I ask smiling.

"You're happy," he points out.

"Yeah, thank you," I say not being able to wipe the smile off my face.

Do you think I should end the book soon? Just give me ideas on how to keep it going or how to end it cause I'm kinda stuck rn. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I WILL ABORT THE BOOK, I fucking love this piece of shit book even tho it's really bad.