Friends?

20

"He fucking hates me," I say while balling.

"He could never fucking hate you so stop with that bullshit," Ski says.

"I fucked up so bad," I say hyperventilating.

"I don't know what to say. Are you gonna let him see the kid?" He asks.

"Well yeah but will he even wanna see the kid? I don't even wanna stress about that right now, I'm really fucking scared he's gonna do something stupid, just go over there please," I beg.

  "You think he'll want me there? I'm part of the reason that he got mad in the first place," Ski points out.

  "I don't give a damn! Get some fucking one to check on him before there is no more him!" I yell.

  He rolls his eyes and walks away which is probably a good thing seeing as I was two seconds away from strangling him.

  "I sent his mom over there," Ski says walking back into the room.

  "Fuck, I didn't even tell her about the baby," I realize.

"When is the baby due?" Ski asks.

  "In six months so sometime in January," I answer.

"Oh shit, we go on tour in January," Ski says.

"And? Not like it's gonna affect anything, he isn't gonna wanna be there when the baby's born. He probably won't wanna see the baby at all," I say pessimistically.

"Rose you have to realize he's not one of those dead beat bitches. He actually loves you and would love the baby so of course he would wanna see the baby and be there when the baby is born," Ski says defending Jah.

"Well after the shit that just went down I don't know if we're ever gonna be able to talk to each other again. Like how do you even start up a conversation? What do I say, 'hey I know I just told you that I wish we never had a relationship and I hurt you to a point beyond repair but do you wanna see your kid that you barely know you have?" I say.

"Wait...you said you wish you guys never had a relationship?" Ski asks.

I nod guiltily.

"Did you mean that shit?" He asks.

"No," I admit.

"So why'd you say it?" He asks.

"I don't fucking know, I don't know why I do half the shit I do but I did it and I regret it," I rant.

"I just don't know what to do. I fucking love him and I really fucked up. Now I don't know what the fuck to-"

I get cut off by my phone ringing.

  "Hello?" I ask answering before I could read the caller I.D.

  "Hi baby," Says a voice I recognize as Cleo's.

  "Hi," I say worried.

  "How is he?" I ask.

   "Not good. But are you okay?" She asks surprising me because I thought she would hate me.

  "No, I'm a wreck right now," I tell her truthfully.

  "It's gonna be okay baby, you guys always find a way back to each other," she says.

  "I don't think this situation is one of those times. I think it might be over Cleo," I admit.

  "It's never over for you two, you'll find a way. Whether it's now or later you'll find a way; I believe in both of you," she says.

  "You always were a wise woman mama. Thank you," I say.

  "I see me in you, you are just as wise. You are strong too," she says.

  "Thank you, but I guess I just don't feel too wise right now, I can't make any wise decisions right now it's like I've lost myself and I don't know what I'm doing right now. I'm saying stuff I don't mean and I'm really messing up ma," I say starting to cry.

  "You'll get through it, you both will, even if you guys can't work it out right now, I will be there for you so call me if you ever need me okay?" She says comforting me.

  "Thank you Cleo, I love you," I say.

  "Talk to you later my love," she says and hangs up.

  I put my head in my hands stressed.

  Just then I hear my phone ring again.

  I look down and see Jah's name across the screen.

  I guess I stared at my phone for too long wondering whether I should pick it up or not because the call ended.

  I realize what happened and pick up my phone and call him. It immediately declines.

  "Fuck," I say to myself and fall back onto the couch.

  "You good?" Ski asks.

  I glare at him and roll my eyes.

  "Damn, just asking a fucking question," he sighs and gets up.

  "Ski I'm sorry. I'm just really stressed," I say sitting up.

  "I know," he sighs and leans against the couch. "You know you can stay here for a little while," he says.

  "Nah I can just move into my moms house, it technically belongs to me now since she paid it off before she...you know..." I trail off not wanting to say it.

   "Well stay here as long as you want," Ski says.

   "Um, do you have anything I can sleep in because I left everything at his house," I say being too hurt to even say his name.

"Yeah," he says before going to get the clothes.

  "Thank you," I say as he hands it to me.

  I go into his bathroom to change but as I look at myself in the mirror I see my stomach forms a small bump.

  I used to contemplate if I really wanted the baby or not but how could I not want it now? I now realize it's a piece of Jah and there is not piece of Jah that I can't love. I'm gonna love this baby regardless of if Jahseh loves it or not.

   "Ski!" I yell.

   "What?" He worriedly yells while running into the bathroom.

  "Look!" I say and point to my bump.

   "What?" He asks.

  "I got a lil baby bump," I say smiling.

   "Oh shit," he says and touches my stomach while looking like he's examining it. He traces the line on my stomach.

  "Jah really got a kid," he says in awe.

  "What? You thought I was lying?" I ask confused.

   "No it just didn't really click with me before but now, now everything is just...I don't know," he says.

   "I'm gonna be an uncle!" He says excitedly making me laugh.

  I just hope Jah would be that excited to be a dad.