Love Poison

Attention (One)

I should be going right now but here I am...

Staring stupidly at the screen of my phone that displays her contact number. I removed the contact photo already but it seems I'm still seeing her picture in there. I can't just forget anything that has something connected to her.

I even have to shake myself sometimes when I'm seeing her figures even when she's not around.

And she's gone for a long time. How cruel my imagination can get? Even when I'm about to sleep, she's still my last thought that when it should be a sweet dream, it turned to a nightmare.

Five long months. Damn.

But what else can I do? She can't love me back even I already had given my all. She just want me but will never love me.

And I made a choice.

The harder one.

I don't want it. My heart don't want it but I have to love myself too. Even if its not as much as I love her, I have to.

Yes, before I could lose myself completely, I stopped seeing her. Refrained from chasing after her. Begged my friends not to spoke anything about her. Not even her name.

She's not the one for me, yes, that's it and maybe, just maybe...when my 'right' one comes along, I'm not that broken to fix hahaha.

It's not that I'm waiting someone to get my sh*t together but...

Damn it. Why it have to be this hard!!!

Pitiful, yes.

Because, when the love is too much even in torment, your heart can't really stop missing the one your heart is longing, right? Even if it's making you STUPID. Even if it hurts like hell.

Like what I'm doing right now with the phone in my hand...

Oh-oh, ooh
You've been runnin' round, runnin' round, runnin' round throwin' that dirt all on my name
'Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I'd call you up

"Tangina!!! Kahit saang anggulo, panalo ka eh. Kahit pinapamukha mo na at pati ng buong mundo, ganito pa rin ang nararamdaman ko. You've pretty made deep cut here inside me. Matagal nang panahon pero...pero ang sakit-sakit pa rin..."

I whispered softly while my right hand found its way to my left chest, clutching it, feeling a physical pain. A lone tear escaped my eye and I didn't even bother to wipe it off.

I'm long tired wiping my tears off.

"Jema? We're running late!" A loud voice called me from the outside of my room. "They're waiting."

"Saglit lang Fhen. Palabas na."

I checked again myself on a full length mirror, made few turns while seeing to it that I'm looking just alright, then I come out.

"Akala ko aabutin ka p—-oh wow!!! You...you're beautiful. Really!" Puri naman sa kanya ni Fhen nang makalabas na siya.

Simple lang naman ang suot niya pero hindi pa rin maikakaila ang magandang hubog ng kanyang katawan. Not to mention her angelic face and captivating lips...