Rowan: Queen of Chav's

I'm sorry (Thirty-four)

Rowan PoV

I was feeling like crap, but I guess you can expect that after a panic attack, (though like in all seriousness, if you were to have one than I hope that you have the right support for you in place).

I also felt terrible because we had incidentally woken Dad up because somebody didn't understand the word 'no', which is quite alarming, since you don't know if they would take 'no' more seriously in a more serious situation.

I was sitting on the couch beside Dad, drinking my tea to try and calm myself down, though it didn't seem to be working, (because caffeine wakes you up therefore it can make you feel even more nervous and twitchy).

"I'm sorry"
"Hey what are you sorry for Sweetheart?"
"For waking you up from your nap-"
"Hey no don't apologise Baby, ok, you needed me and that's that, ok"
"But-"
"No buts Honey, alright?"
"Ok, can I go back to making the gingerbread house?"
"Yeah Baby, you can"
"Ok"

So I went back to the once forgotten about Gingerbread house, to try and forget about everything that had happened within the last hour, (which was not a good idea as it doesn't actually solve the problem), because 2 minutes after I had gotten back to making the gingerbread house, it decided that it didn't want to be a fucking gingerbread house anymore and yeeted itself to a pile of bits on the table.

"Shit!, why can't I fucking do anything right!"

I think alarm bells were ringing, well actually it was probably more like alarms blaring in my Dad's head, because literally as soon as I had finished saying that, he was over and somehow scooped me up into his arms, I say somehow because Dad's like 5'6 max and scrawny, he then carried me to the couch and cradled me like one would with a baby.

"I don't know where you got such a negative thought of yourself, but that's not healthy for anybody at all Baby"
"Like you can talk about negative thoughts of yourself old man"
"Hey I know that Bambina, I know, and I'm trying to change that, (sighs), look Sweetheart, I'm not trying to be hypocritical here but I also don't want your inner voice to get anywhere near as bad as mine was, because it then makes it so much harder to change it for the better"
"I'm sorry"
"Why are you apologising Baby?"
"I don't know, but I feel bad"
"Hey no, don't feel bad Darling, I'm just a worrywart"
"Yeah, you're a boney worrywart here Dad"
"Hey!, I'm not boney Missy, I'm just petite is all"
"That must make me extra petite then"
"Well yes that does make you extra petite, but that's ok Miele, it just means that you're like me"

Dad then brushed his fingers through my hair to try and calm me down, which worked because it always had worked, I don't know why it worked but I wasn't going to question it.

"Dad"
"Yeah Baby"
"Do you have any Christmas traditions that you used to do?"
"I do Sweetheart"
"What were they?"
"Well I used to open my Christmas presents on Christmas Eve"
"Why was that Dad?"
"Because that's when most Europeans open their presents and with Nana being Italian and the fact that we used to spend Christmas with her, we just did it that way, it was quite nice"
"Oh, so why did it change then?"
"Because when we moved back in with Nan, she wouldn't dream of us doing that on Christmas Eve"
"I know that I've said this to you before Dad but your Mum's a bitch"
"(Snorts), that is probably one of the better things she's done"
"I know that Dad, that's what makes her a bitch"

Dad then chuckled a bit at what I had said, I didn't have a clue as to why but I also wasn't going to question him on it, you know, as his Mum had done some shady shit when he was a little kid.

So I was thinking, which isn't always a good thing, especially when it comes to me, so Dad was a little concerned about me, I mean naturally because I had just had a panic attack.

"Sweetheart, are you ok?"
"I don't know Dad"
"So that means no, ok, is there anything that I can do?"
"I don't know Dad"
"Ok, do you want to watch the Grinch?"
"Isn't it a bit earlier than we would normally watch it on Christmas Eve?"
"I mean maybe it is, but I gathered that we could use it after the morning we had"
"Ok, that does sound nice"

So Dad then got Soph and Mikey and we all watched the Grinch, as it was one of our Christmas traditions.