Rowan: Queen of Chav's

The panic attack (Twenty-seven)

Rowan PoV

It was the weekend again, Papa was working, Dad was in bed after working a night shift, Mikey was out with his mates playing football and Soph was still in bed asleep after coming home at half past 1 in the morning from her shitty boyfriends, so that meant that I was on my own.

I was sitting on the windowsill, with a cup of tea in my hand, only this time it was actually at a decent time of the day, well at least for me it was.

Then there was a knock on the front door, and me being on my own, it frightened me a little, but I still answered the door, because I didn't want the neighbours to complain to Dad about us not sorting our own shit out.

I get to the front door, and do you wanna know who was there, Dad's father, who by the way beat Dad up for being gay, so that was all I fucking needed right then.

"Hell- Oh, what the fuck are you doing here?"
"You haven't answered your mother on wether or not you are going on the holiday with us?"
"Apparently she doesn't know what the words fuck off mean"
"Hey!, don't talk about your Mum like that!"
"She's not my fucking Mum!, sure she gave birth to me but that just makes her my fucking Mother!"
"That's not very respectful-"
"Oh piss off will ya!, you fucking sket!"

I slammed the front door and locked it before he could try and break in, (as he broke in when he beat Dad up), it must've woken Dad up because he was now up out of bed and fully awake near the front door.

There was a tight feeling in my chest, which made me feel as though I couldn't breathe, so I was having a panic attack, but I didn't know that I was having one at the time.

"Shit, Dad, I, I can't, shit!, I can't breathe!"
"Shit"

So then Dad cups my face, to get me to look at him, and he was actually calm about it, which he wasn't usually because he's an actual worrywart.

"Ok Sweetheart, you need to breathe in, no no no, don't try to talk right now, ok, you just need to concentrate on breathing right now, ok, breathe in, breathe out, that's it Baby"

It took a few minutes for me to be able to breathe calmly, after I got my breathing back to normal, I clung onto Dad.

"What was that Dad?"
"You've just had a panic attack Darling"
"How did you know what to do?"
"Papa has had a couple of them, I also might've had a couple of them, Baby what happened at the front door?"
"Well your Father came and demanded me to give them an answer about the stupid fucking holiday even though we have said no, and after I slammed the door and locked it, I was still felt that he could still see me, and, and that, uh, that uh, freaked me out"

Dad then brought me into a hug, which actually made me feel quite safe as Dad gives the best hugs.

"Oh Baby, why didn't you come get me?"
"Because I'd feel bad about waking you up-"
"Rowan Sweetheart, (kisses cheek) I'm not sure why you don't know this already but you're well-being is way more important to me than my sleep"
"That's not ok though Dad"
"It's what any parent would do"
"Well not every parent"
"Ok you've got a point, how about we compromise here and we go back to bed to try and get some sleep"
"But I don't want to be on my own-"
"Well if you want to, you can stay with me-"
"I'm pretty sure that I'm too old-"
"No, not if it makes you feel better Sweetheart, ok"
"Ok"

So then Dad carried me to bed, since apparently I couldn't walk there myself, but then that could just be because Dad could then see how I was.

"Dad"
"Yeah Baby"
"I'm sorry-"
"Why are you apologising Tesoro, eh?"

I went to answer Dad but then I burst into tears and hugged Dad tighter, looking back on it now, I'm surprised I didn't hurt him with how tight I was actually hugging him.

"Shh shh shh, ok Baby, ok"

Dad then started to in an Italian lullaby that he used to sing for Mikey and I.

"Chiudi gli mio tesor (close my eyes, my treasure), dolce amor, dolce amor (Sweet love, sweet love), fa la nanna sul mio cuore (sleep on my heart), dolce amor, dolce amor (Sweet love, sweet love), fa la nanna sul mio cuore (sleep on my heart)"

The words that are like (this) are the English translations from Italian.