Welcome To My Life

Chapter 13

“Bye guys!” Jason calls from the front door before shutting it.

“Well,” Katy says from beside me, “I’ll give the two of you some alone time!” she turns on her toes and heads upstairs, most likely to change and go dance.

“So,” Jason says after she leaves. “What do you think of my friends?”

I shrug at him. “I don’t know. It wouldn’t really be fair for me to judge. I didn’t really get a chance to talk to them much…”

“Yeah, sorry about that. We’ll hang out with them separately sometime soon, so you’ll actually get to talk to them, I promise,” he says, wrapping me into his arms gently.

“Alright,” I say, wiggling out of his grip.

“What, I’m not allowed to hug you?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at me playfully.

“Nope,” I say, sticking my tongue out at him.

“Oh, really?” he questions teasingly.

“How about a deal?” I question. He nods, leading me into continuing. “You can hug me… if you can catch me!” Before I even finish my sentence, I’m running up the stairs. Jason laughs before taking off after me.

“Hayley!” I hear Katy yell as loud as she can. I can hear her voice on the verge of tears. “Hayley, come here!”

Sensing the seriousness in her voice, I quickly race to hear room. Jason had left me a couple of minutes ago, as I had wanted to write. Flinging open her bedroom door, I enter saying, “What?”

“Look!” she says, pushing a small piece of paper at me. I take it from her gingerly.

“Stay out of my business and my… relationship with your brother. And my soon-to-be relationship with your hot new friend…” I read out loud. “What… what is this?”

“It’s David’s handwriting. It was on my bed… he must have dropped it here while he was over…” her voice is shaking harshly.

“I’m going to get Jason,” I state, turning to get him.

“No!” Katy screeches. “You don’t know what David’s capable of!”

I stop and turn to face her again. “Then what do we do? Just let it go?”

“I don’t know!” she says, finally breaking into tears. “I just don’t know. Maybe it was a joke. A cruel joke…”

I sigh, sliding down so I’m sitting on the bed. I place my head in my hands in an exasperated manner. “Alright…we’ll let it go for now, alright? But… if anything else like this happens… I’m telling Jason.”

She nods at me, wiping her tears. “Fine,” she agrees. “I… I’m going to go dance,” she says softly.

“Alright,” I say. “Feel better alright? Don’t worry about it too much.”

She gives a weak smile. “I’ll try.”

I leave her room and return to my own. As soon as I sit down on my bed, I hear a knock. “Come in,” I call. I’m slightly surprised when the bathroom door opens and Jason walks in.

“Are you and Katy okay? I heard her call for you and she sounded really upset… then I heard crying and stuff,” he trails off slowly, and pushes the door shut behind him.

“Yeah,” I say evenly, extremely aware that I’m lying. “We’re fine, Jase.”

Jason lets a smile grace his lips. “Jase? Pick up a nickname for me?”

I blush a bit. “I guess. It just sort of slipped out…”

He laughs at me a little, pulling me into his arms. I always pull away, but my fear of David makes me stay. I lay my head against his chest gently, breathing in his scent. I feel him gently kiss the top of my head, and I smile against my will. Slowly, we break apart, and I look up at him. “I don’t want to kick you out of anything, but…”

He raises his hands playfully. “Alright, alright, I’ll go. I know when I’m not wanted.”

“Phew. I was afraid you’d be as dumb as you look…” I tease. To my amusement, his mouth drops open. Then he pulls his face into a pout, making my heart flutter slightly at his cuteness.

“You’re mean,” he says childishly, while crossing his arms across his chest.

I giggle and get on my tip-toes to kiss his pouted lips quickly. “Bye,” I smile, pushing him toward the bathroom door. “I’ll see you before bed, okay?”

“Mhm,” he says, still pretending to be upset. “Bye,” he says, letting a smile grow on his face as he says the word.

Once he leaves, I turn and open my closet. There’s a small box, which I pick up. Leaving my room, I head toward the music room. I hadn’t gone in that room yet. Even when Natalie gave us a tour, I didn’t enter the room. Once I reach it, I place my hand on the doorknob before pausing. I take a deep breath before turning the knob, and stepping into the room.

Music has been a relief for me my whole life, even more so than swimming. It always makes me feel better. The thing about it, though, – the truly difficult thing – is that with music, to release your feelings, you have to truly feel them. You have to really allow yourself to be swept up in your emotions.

Sometimes, though, that’s exactly what you need. This is one of those times.

Directly in front of me there is a piano. I approach it slowly before sitting on the bench and beginning to play. As I play, I begin to think about my mother. I try to remember her dealer, his face, where she would go to meet him… anything. But I can’t.

This frightens me slightly. I hate the idea of forgetting. I don’t want to forget, I want to heal.

My fingers are flying across the keys, and I’m thankful that this room is soundproof, because I’m no longer reading the music. I’m making up the notes as I go along, unsure of how exactly I’m able to do this. Eventually, I realize that I’m mushing all the different pieces I’ve memorized throughout my life together. Some of the anger at myself for forgetting flows out onto the keys.

Slowly, my music becomes happier, and I absentmindedly begin to play love songs, my mind fluttering to Jason. Thinking of Jason leads me to Natalie forcing me to come here which instantly angers me again.

I’m so immersed in my playing that I barely notice when the door is opened.

“Hayley?” I hear Jason’s deep voice say as he enters the room.

My mouth drops open slightly and my cheeks turn red with embarrassment.  Nobody’s ever seen me play like this. My hands immediately freeze, hovering over the keys.

“You didn’t have to stop…” he says softly, walking over and sitting on a chair beside the piano. “What were you playing?”

I shrug slightly, incredibly embarrassed.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” he asks raising his eyebrows slightly.

I shrug again. “I don’t know. I wasn’t really playing anything, I guess.”

“You were playing something,” he argues. “I heard you playing something.”

“Well yeah. I was playing. But I wasn’t playing anything.”

“You mean you made it up?” he asks, his mouth pulling into a small smile.

I blush again. “I guess. Why’d you come here anyway?” I ask, trying to change the subject.

Suddenly he looks embarrassed, almost sheepish. “Same reason as you,” he admits, holding up a folder.

Jason and I stay in the music room for hours. He can play piano, guitar, and drums. Playing music with him almost makes me forget about David. Almost.