Welcome To My Life

Chapter 17

“Hayley? Hayley, what’s wrong?” Katy’s voice is clear outside my door. My body has been racking with sobs for the past three hours. They’ve been sad tears, desperate tears, angry tears, and disappointed tears. I pretend to ignore Katy, not wanting to see anyone. “Hayley, please. I just want to help. Just talk to me for a few minutes.” After a few moments pause, she continues, “Just one minute. Half a minute. Anything. Hayley, please.”

When I still remain silent, I hear Katy sigh and leave the door. My body continues to shake with sobs, but through them I can hear Katy knocking on Jason’s door. Immediately, I shoot off my bed and run to the bathroom, locking the door to my room from my side, and propping a door under the knob. I know it’s harsh, but I can’t face Jason right now. I can hear Katy’s desperate voice through the door, telling Jason that she’s sure there’s something really wrong with me.

I’m happy that I reacted so quickly, because it’s not more than a minute later that I hear Jason’s soft knock on the bathroom door. “Hayley?”

I say nothing.

“Hayley please talk to me.” I can clearly hear the worry in Jason’s tone. I feel guilty for not responding to him but I don’t know what I can say to him.

All I can do is cry harder. I don’t want to leave Jason. He’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It’s been his personal goal to raise my self-esteem. To make me believe that I’m “beautiful”. He’s tried to make me happy here, even tried to make me bond with Natalie, no matter how much I argue.

“Hayley… can you please talk to me? Please, Sweetheart?” his voice is shaking, and I know he’s worried about me. But what can I do? How can I just leave him, without a reason, without any explanation?

I can’t. I can’t just get up and leave him… can I? I am falling in love with him. Not to mention what it’ll do to my relationship with Katy. If I just end it with Jason, with no reasoning or anything, she’ll be furious with me. He’ll fall back to his old ways, mistreating girls because now he’ll know for sure that we’re all the same. That none of us will stick around for him.

“Hayley, baby, please answer me.” His voice is sounding more and more worried, as well as more nervous. I know he’s afraid of what’s happening to me because I won’t answer. But if I just break up with him out of nowhere he’ll think I’m no better than Maria.

Wait… if David did this to me, who’s to say he didn’t do this to Maria? Maybe she lied about hooking up with his friend to spare his feelings. Maybe she didn’t know how else to break the news. Maybe that’s why she was trying so hard to… sleep with him. As a “one last time” type of thing.

But, how can I just let David hurt him? Hurt Katy, Natalie, Jason… everybody that I care about. I can’t let that happen. Jason’s bright, attractive, sweet… he’ll find somebody else.

Jason won’t have a hard time moving on.