Some stories have a lot of potential.
Some stories fail to use that potential to its fullest extent. Unfortunately, Plight of an Empire, by Miss Edwards is one such tale.
See, of the four fundamentals of storytelling, this tale snuggles up with three of them in much the same way that I rub up against your mother. But, in the end, the reader (and myself in the case of your mother) come back crashing to reality with the bitter taste of unfulfillment.
I like this story, I really do. There’s fantasy, a hint of magic on the edges, wonderful characters on the cusp of gaining a third dimension, and an underlying plot and conflict. That’s all you need to have in a story, and it’s all there. Just... an inch out of your grasp.
There might be something to learn here, so let’s look over the pros and cons of this would-be gem, shall we?
First, from the revisions I can see, there are actual signs that the author tried to fix her mistakes. I know, wild! Someone on Wattpad who is trying to improve? That’s some never before seen weirdness right there. Give this girl a medal. If half the dimwits I work with had this inclination... well, I’d have a lot more free time on my hands.
Second, for all my talk of unfulfilled expectations, this tale does hit most of the right notes within its genre, and is in no way a bad read on the surface. Heck, compared to most of the B-rated crap going around, this is shinier than a diamond with ebola. Anyone out there wanting to know how to write decent high-fantasy might want to take a look at this beast.
Now, the faulty bits. I already mentioned them, but only in the vaguest of terms. That means that one in ten of you understood, now to enlighten the rest.
Two things are keeping this story from greatness, and all two are marks of amateurish writing. First, the presence of repetitive wording, or a distinct overabundance of word entropy (check the guide).
Then, there are the long paragraphs filled with dumped information. These, in particular, are troublesome. After all, they are both dull to read and screw with the pace in an unforgivable manner. This is one of the bigger issues with this tale. After all, with a bit of shifting in those longer, exposition-filled lines, this might have become a streamlined masterpiece.
Can the story be read anyway? Hell yeah. Should you? Probably. This story most definitely doesn’t suck.
With a little more polish and some better flow in the prose, this could have been something terribly nice.
Keep warm, stay cool.
