This is tempting, so, so tempting. I doubt any of you have had to face such a difficult prospect in a long time.
I found a story, one that I wanted to review and for all the wrong reasons. A story filled with basic, little mistakes. Easy prey for an old fart like me.
And then I talked to the author (unlike what some of you may assume, I do get permission before attacking a story. I’m nice like that). Turns out that the writer is nice enough. And so, for the first time in decades, I will try and demonstrate self restraint.
God help us all.
The BAD BOYS Good Girl (Yes, no apostrophe and full caps on half the words) is a rather simple tale. A young female protagonist makes her way into a new school where she has somewhat eventful encounters with “Riches” (No, not actual riches, the word was appropriated to mean a person that has an overabundance of money or other goods) and eventually a “BAD BOYS” or two.
Now, before I tear into it (with glee) I want to say one thing. The last chapters are better. No, they are not perfect, not by far, but there is a clear progression in the quality of the story and prose. Also, for the short span that this story has been around, it has grown a lot. 75 chapters, most with three or so Wattpad pages. That’s a fair amount of work. Again, the author proves that some effort went into creating this tale.
This is the fun bit:
This story does a few things wrong, most are little transgressions that can be overlooked, but others are glaring issues. I’ll focus on the smaller ones and try to point a few out.
First, there’s the appearance. CAPS LOCK SHOULD NEVER BE USED. That much should be a given. After all, that’s what bold text is for (even then, use should be sparing at best).
Second, there’s the scene placements. Starting a chapter with “SCENE” followed by a tiny description of the location and characters is fine. Really, it’s alright, if you’re writing a gorram screenplay. In normal, formal prose, that shit don’t pass.
Third, the tense. This is a no-no. I could ignore the other problems, maybe, if there was just a few, but this.... Changing your tense is something that you cannot do. Never. Well, maybe sometimes, but not without some serious reasoning behind it. Sudden, inexplicable tense shifts are grating, confusing, and downright wrong.
There’s something to be said of the innocence of youth, the sort that allows you to ignore some of the simpler rules of... well, anything, really. Unfortunately, that thing to be said is, “grow out of it.”
And the author has done that. As I mentioned, it does get better, little by little. One could argue that, when you’re starting from the bottom, it’s easy to go up, and I won't contest that. Still, plenty of effort went into this, and any little improvement is well worth noting.
Does this story suck?
....
No?
I’m well aware that most of us on the older side of the spectrum have a strong dislike for the “bad boy” genre that has been growing. Nonetheless, I appeal to you to look back at your first stories, your first intimate contacts with the written word. Were you truly any better?
Let the young grow and live and experience. One day they will be us.
Keep warm, stay cool.
