A nothing...

chapter 3

When we walked into Cole's bedroom, Cole walked me over to his bed and had me sit down. I was still shaking a little, I'm always nervous, its ridiculous.

Cole noticed my hands shaking and fidgeting. He walked over from his closet where he was as digging for something and kneeled on front of me. He gently grabbed my hands, and caressed them in his.

"Josie....what's wrong hmmm?"

I just looked away and said in my soft quiet voice "n-n-nothing.."

"Your lying." He said.

Cole looked down at my hands and gasped, I looked at my hands too- to see what he was gasping at.

There was blood on my fingers and under my nails from where I pick at my fingers, that one of my fidgets. I've done it for a such a long time that the stinging pain doesn't even bother me anymore.

"Oh josie, doesn't your fingers hurt?!" Cole said.

"C'mon" he lead me to the bathroom connected to his bedroom, it  was surprisingly clean for a boys bathroom.

He turned on the water to warm and put.my.hands under the faucet, and he gently washed my fingers and under my nails, then gently dried my hands and put little band-aids on my finger tips.

When he was done he walked me back to his bed, and sat down next to me. "Why do you pick at your.fingers like that josie?"

I didn't know what to say, I didnt want to be a burden to another person, especially him...i didnt want him to know how messed up and broken i am...he would just walk away and forget about me...like everyone else.

"I.....i d-dont know.." I said quietly.

Cole hugged me unexspectically again, making me gasp. I got scared and my breathing started going at a fast pace again, but I didnt want cole.to stop hugging me, I've never had this kinda contact with a boy i like before...it was nice..so I sat there hugging Cole back while basically suffocating. When I started coughing Cole pulled away.

"In*cough, cough* haler..please"  I choked (I also have asthma). Clle.jumped up and got my inhaler out of my purse and I took a couple puffs out of it . After a minute my breathing went back to normal.

Cole dismissed the issue and walked over to his closet to do what he was previously doing. I looked out the window, it was dark and raining and lighting, I loved storms, they calmed me. I walked over to the window and cracked it open so I could here the rain better and watched as it poured down. I smiled, I loved the sound of rain so much, it's beautiful.

"Josie? ...here, take this"  I looked behind me at Cole and caught his hoodie he threw at me, it smelled just like him..I loved it.  I smiled a small smile..but then the bad thoughts started coming back again.

'You don't deserve help..unloved...unwanted...a nuisense. Your just a bother to him and everybody else'

Thoughts like this kept running through my head. My smile instantly went away.
I dropped my head and said thanks. I went to the bathroom telling Cole I was.gonna change.

I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I gently sat his hoodie on the towel rack and turned and looked into the mirror.

I took off my hoodie and my tee-shirt and my Jean's, only standing in my undergarmets. I was disgusted with what I saw, a fat 130lbs girl. With a flabby stomach and scars. Nothing like any guy would want....

The scars were.from working on the farm, and there were only a could on my wrists, I didnt cut often, only once or twice.when i was in a deep depressed spot. There.were.thin pink stripes on my wrist were i had cut.

I sighed, done looking at the creature in the mirror and grabbed Cole's hoodie putting it on.

I was so soft, so warm and comforting and dry, wrapped my arms around myself and sighed once again....I don't deserve this.

Even though I've always wanted something like this to happen, the thoughts of not deserving this kinda treatment still waft in my head over powering the wanting thoughts.

The hoodie went down to my mid thigh so I figured it would be ok to walk out of the bathroom so i could ask for a pair of joggers possibly too.

When I walked out of the bathroom Cole was laying on his stomach, seeming asleep, I didnt want to bother him and I didnt want to go through his closet neither because that's rude, so I walked over to the little lounge chair in the corner and sat down, not knowing what to do. Eventually I fell asleep.

*time skip*

When I woke up I was warm, wrapped on something warm. I cuddled closer to whatever it was, and I felt something squeeze around my waist. I glanced up and Coles face was rite next to mine. I just stared at his chiseled face, his sharp cheek bones and strong jaw and long eyelashes.

"Am I that handsome that you stare that long?" Cole said in a husky voice that sent shivers down my body. I quickly look away blushing once again, thank goodness its dark... yes I fell asleep at his house. Cole props himself up on his elbow and places his fingers on my chin and gently makes me face him.

I could see his eyes glimmering in the moon light that shown through the window, and it was still rainin.

Then he said something I thought I'd never hear..

"Your so beautiful josie" he glanced at.my lips then back into my eyes then slowly leaned down. I watched as he got closer and closer, my eyes were barely open. His lips brushed against mine, then when I didnt move he smashed his lips on mine. I reached my hands up and tangled my fingers in his hair.

He was being dominant and I liked it. He bit and sucked on my lower lip. He swiped his tongue along my lower lip. Ive never been kissed before so I didnt know what he wanted until he grabbed my ass, intern making me gasp. In that second he put his tongue in my mouth.

Searching everything nook and cranny in my mouth with his tongue. I moaned slightly making me blush from my sudden action. Cole pulled away, and I was breathless. Cole smiled at me and said "sorry..I couldn't resist" I didnt want it to end, so I grabbed the back of his head and smashed my lips on his again.

He grunted and ran his hand up along my side. He ran his hand up my arm and lock his fingers with mine and held my hand down on the bed. He removed his lips from mine and made a trail of kisses down my jaw,.and down my neck , then....he kissed this one spot that made moan and shiver.

I felt him smile on my neck and said "found it" he began attacking the spot, sucking and biting. My eyes rolled back into my head in pleasure. I ran my free hand down his torso, feeling the muscles underneath his shirt. I tugged at his shirt whimpering. He sat up on his knees a ripped his shirt off and threw It on the floor, I stared at his toned body, in amazement. He came back down and locked.his lips with mine again. After a few more minutes of making out Cole laid down next to me and hugged me to his body. He threw a cover over us hugged me close. He.moved his hair from my neck exposing my neck and he peppered tender gentle kisses on my neck.

"I've always like you josie, ever since I met you." He spoke. " your.so beautiful and smart talented, and I see how scared you always look and how nervous you always look and it hurts me so bad.when i see you like that, I just want to hug you.close and make all the pain go away. You don't deserve to feel the way you do. Your brother told me about your depression and anxiety. But I'll be ok, I'll always be here for you and help you no matter what....ok...will you be my girl josie? Please?"

I broke down crying. I was a mess. I sat up a covered my face with my hands. Cole gently grabbed my wrist and moved my hands from my face. I nodded my head yes to his question  and he smiled and kisses.my forehead then my lips.

He stood us up and hugged me. Lifting me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, just hugging me. He placed his face in the crook of my neck. And placed my head on his shoulders while having hy arms wrapped around his neck.

It was the greatest moment in my whole life...

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Ok...how was that .